Lying

You curl into a ball
Fighting all the lies you told yourself.

With each day, you feel an echo of the heartbreak
That you told yourself you didn’t feel.
Each conversation makes your heart grow warm
With the love that you told yourself wasn’t there.
Smiles that you make to the people who pass by
Hide the internal misery you battle
No matter where you are.

It gets to this point
Where you question the genuineness
Of genuine emotions.
Was that laugh really because of his joke
Or are your reactions to the world robotic?
The only thing that feels like truth
Is the pain of when you scratch and pull at yourself,
Almost seeming like your emotions want to escape your body.
You cry without your consciousness understanding why
Until the truth comes out with your broken sobs.

Is it enough to recognize the state you’ve left yourself?
Does knowing you’re lying to yourself make it easier
To escape from them, these lies you’ve weaved?
Or are you doomed for a time
To live in the misery and insanity of your
Make believe world that you know
To be make believe?
What can you do when
No matter how much you fight the lies
They still have a grip on your reality?
How can you move on?