Alyssa

Alyssa. There's your name again
Second? Third? time today.
But I'm sure I'll hear it three more times
Before I go to bed tonight.
Even though I barely knew you
You're all I think about
How can I not?
You were my little sister
My only sister
And I wish you were here right now
I saw the picures when you were born
It just makes me more sad
To know that I will never
See your sweet face
Some call me weird
Because I never knew you
Because I was little when you died
But I know that if it happened to them
They too would have cried.
but I always ask myself
Why I'm so affected by your death
And each time I came up with the same answer
I care about you
You are my little sister
And I'm affected because I always wonder 'what if'
What if you were born
Would she be here instead of you
Would I have the same relationship
With you as I have with her?
Would I be different?
Would I not be shy and more outgoing?
Would you look up to me?
Would I be a good influence
Or would I have still smoked?
What if you were born
Would we have left Florida?
Would you be the one scared for him to come back
That's the only reason i'm glad
You weren't born.
He didn't hurt you, he only hurt me.
But I just want you to know that I love you
More than the world
More than her
More than me
Just as much as I love my brother
I love you