The Hundred Ways To Annoy Jacob & Edward! :)
Author's note: I foound this on sims 3 and thought it was so funny! Some of thema ren't really funny, but a lot og them are. Like my favorite is number 96. I didn't make this up http://www.thesims3.com/mypage/adidas23<- she made it up. I've thought about doing these and maybe I will, but this is so funny I had to share it
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100 WAYS TO ANNOY JACOB BLACK
1. Walk to him with a tennis ball, throw it, and then yell “Go fetch!”
2. When he doesn’t get it yell, “What kind of dog are you!”
3. Tell him that Paul killed his sister, and then when he gets beat up by Paul tell him you were joking and walk away laughing.
4. Pick up your stained bed sheets and yell at him to not go potty in the house.
5. Tell him that he needs a haircut and take him to the pet groomers
6. Sign him up for obedience class
7. Buy him a shock collar and shock him every time he swears
8. Put a muzzle on him in the middle of the night, and tell him, “That’s for trying to steal Bella from Edward.
9. Jump in a shallow pool and wait for him to save you. When he asked why you didn’t just swim to the ladder tell him you don’t know how to doggy paddle, and ask if he can teach you sometime.
10. Tell him that he needs to give you CPR and when he leans down to do it hold your nose and tell him he smells like wet dog, and Edward smells better.
11. If he tries to kiss you ask him if he got his rabies shot, and if it would be ok if we kissed.
12. Follow him around singing Who let the dogs out
13. Buy him a dog treat and a chew toy for his birthday
14. When he gets mad about his birthday present cry, and say Edward would have loved it.
15. Ask why he doesn’t sparkle like Edward, and when he says it’s because he isn’t a bloodsucker tell him you think men that sparkle are hot.
16. When he’s sleeping dump glue and glitter all over. When he wakes up and yells smile and say, “Now I find you attractive. Show me your fangs vamp boy.”
17. When he gets mad and yells at you tell him, “I just wanted you to feel pretty like Edward.”
18. When you put poison ivy in his bed and he starts itching the next day ask him if he has fleas.
19. Tell him you know the “real” reason why the La Push guys are so “close” ;)
20. Whenever he does something good pat his head and say “Good boy.” Then give him a dog treat
21. Whenever he tries to kill Edward grab a rolled up newspaper, and hit him on the nose saying, “Bad Dog! We don’t bite people! Only vampires can do that!”
22. Every night at a full moon howl really loud, and ask him why he’s not doing it to.
23. Walk up to him and start touching his butt. When ask you what you’re doing tell him you’re looking for his tail
24. Make insinuations about him and the pack having “hot sweaty doggy fun”
25. Replace his shampoo with flea shampoo
26. Whenever he hides from you yell “oh where oh where has my little dog gone”
27. Dress up like the Voltaire for Halloween and go trick or treating in La Push
28. Ask to come over for dinner and serve him dog food in a dog bowl
29. Take a picture of him and put it on a missing dog flyers, and pass them out all over school
30. Put his phone number on a gay vampire website
31. At the bonfire sneeze and tell him your allergic to dogs
32. When you walk down the street with him and pass a fire hydrant ask him if he has to go tinkle
33. Pick hair out of the shower drain and tell him his shedding is really bad this year
34. Read Bella and Edwards honeymoon scene from Breaking Dawn out loud to him
35. Whisper in his ear and tell him “We could do that.” When he gets close to kissing you pull away and say “Wait I forgot. You and Sam are together.”
36. Tell him his being half naked bothers you and you would rather stare at Edward all day.
37. When he phases steal his pants and run into Edwards’s house saying “Edward loves seeing you naked!”
38. Touch his forehead and freak out about how hot he is. Call the hospital and make him stay there till he gets better.
39. When he gets mad at you grab a silver spoon and yell “Stay back! I’ve got silver!”
40. Take him outside and tell him to go potty. When he doesn’t and tries to go back inside tell him “No one likes a dog who isn’t housetrained.
41. When he’s bad take him outside and chain him up.
42. When he threatens you tell him he better stop or you’ll call the dog pound
43. When he shakes with anger yell “OH MY GOD! He’s having a seizure! Call doctor Cullen!”
44. Dance around him yelling “You imprinted on the Loch Ness Monster! Holy fuck! Being a werewolf is some fucked up shit!”
45. Beat him at a game and shake your head saying “Second place again Jake. Will you ever be number one?”
46. When you and him get in a fight and he just keeps yelling then you yell “STOP BARKING!”
47. Tell Jacob you made him a lama song and start singing, “Here’s a werewolf, there’s a werewolf, and another little werewolf. Fuzzy werewolf, funny werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, truck. Werewolf, werewolf, Cullen, werewolf, Grizzly, human, stick, werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, cliff, werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, truck. I was once a vampire. Bella gave me rabies. But I never saw the way. How Edward kissed the Sam. I was only a puppy. Bell had a baby and now I’m dating a Loch Ness monster. Did you ever see a werewolf? Kiss a werewolf on a werewolf. Werewolf’s werewolf tastes of werewolves. Werewolf, werewolf, truck. Half a werewolf. Twice the werewolf. Not a werewolf. Newton. Werewolf. Werewolf in a car. Alarm a werewolf. Werewolf. Truck. Is this how it is told now? Sam is so old now. Is it made of flea juice? Smelly. Giant. Hot. Emily likes to cook for them. Leah’s out of luck now. And in the final chapter. He imprints on a monster.”
48. When he gets really mad tell him it’s ok, and you can’t help who you imprint on.
49. Give him mouthwash for Christmas and tell him he has dog breath.
50. When he’s in the bathroom bang on the door and yell, “No drinking out of the toilet!”
51. Whenever he tries to kiss you tell him dogs make good pets, but not good partners.
52. Make him a day-by-day flip calendar; counting down the amount of time Bella has left to be human.
53. Ask him if Edwards good in bed
54. Replace his car with a dog leash and collar
55. Tell him you found his long lost twin and show him a poodle
56. Tell him your tired of seeing him half naked and glue his shirt to his chest
57. Tell him that you saw Nessie kissing Leah and laugh when Leah beats him up.
58. When he ask you what you’re laughing at say, “You go beat up by a female dog.”
59. Crash his rabbit and tell him that Quil did it
60. Every time he asks you on a date say “Sorry, but I have a date with Edward at two.”
61. If Jake breaks his leg or gets sick take him to the vet
62. You're getting ready to go fishing and he tells you he has worms and you hand him a box of De-wormer medication
63. When you drive around with him you make him sit in the back, and open the window for him
64. When he comes to your house you cover everything in plastic just so he doesn't tear anything up.
65. Enter him in a dog show, and tell him “You’ll get best in show!”
66. Buy him a vampire outfit for Halloween
67. Photoshop a picture of him and Edward, then give it to him as a present.
68. Ask him if he’s related to Scooby-Doo
69. Walking in on him having a naughty dream, and yell, “That it! You’re getting fixed tomorrow!”
70. Constantly remind him that Bella would rather die than be with him
71. Whenever you see a cat push Jake and say, “Go get it Jakey! Get the kitty!””
72. Redo his bedroom and put Edward poster all over his wall
73. Buy him a female dog for his birthday and say “This is your new mate!”
74. Ask him if when he has kids if they have them in litters
75. Ask him what would happen if he turned into a wolf in the middle of, well, you know
76. Tell him Jane has the hottest for him
77. Then go to Italy and tell Jane that Jake has the hottest for her.
78. Laugh when she shows up at Jakes front door in a bra and thong
79. Tell Jake that Bella wants him back. Laugh when Edward beats the shit out of him
80. Dress up as a vampire, and then go to Jakes house and tell him that the Cullen’s turned you. Laugh when Emmett takes him down in five seconds.
81. Tell Jake you’re pregnant with Jaspers kid.
82. Laugh when tears the house up and tell him you were kidding
83. Tell him it’s not Jaspers it’s Mike’s
84. Laugh when he kills Mike and tell him he was joking
85. Tell him you’re official a Edward Cullen fan, and wear one of his t-shirts every day
86. Make him wear a leash and collar when you go for a walk
87. Tell him you’d rather see Edward naked them him
88. When you don’t have your homework point to Jake and say “My dog ate my homework.”
89. At Lunch make him eat on the floor
90. Ask him if he’s really Taylor Lautner in disguise, but then laugh and say, “Nope there’s no way. Taylor is way too sexy to be you.”
91. Tell him you know what he really does on patrol ;)
92. Tell him that Edward stalks him, and is watching everything he does.
93. Laugh when he hasn’t taken a shower in a month and tell him you were kidding
94. Set his background on his phone to a half naked picture of Edward and ask him, “Does his half being naked bother you?”
95. When he’s in wolf form ask him what he has to do when he has to go potty
96. Point out the nearest tree from him, and say “That’s where you go.”
97. Tell him it’s gross that he loves a two year old
98. Ask him if they’ve done it yet, and tell him it’s gross if they have
99. Ask him if he can talk to other animals beside the pack when he’s in wolf form
100. Ask him why he’s on steroids, and when he says he isn’t say, “Oh so what you’re a werewolf, because werewolves don’t exists. Only vampires do.”
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100 WAYS TO ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him you saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of the days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like a ********* or if it's just you.
8. Tell him Bella wants to elope with Paul
9. For his birthday give him a one houndred dollor McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.
10. Call him your "Cuddly Wuddly Eddicans"
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
12. Tell Edward that Alice said she saw him having a 'honeymoon' with Jessica
13. Show him a picture of Robert Pattison and laugh at their resemblance
14. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you. Call him a liar when he says no.
15. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.
16. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.
17. Ask him about Dracula, you know, his distant cousin?
18. Train the dog Jacob to follow him everywhere
19. Ask him to go somewhere when he says ‘no” say "Come on! Jake would let me!"
20. Follow him around the house with wind chimes shouting, "Come on, Eddie! Just take your shirt off ONCE!"
21. Ask him if when its sunny he walks in high trafic areas just for fun.
22. Ask him how he got into Bella's floor boards without leaving any evidence.
23. Sell Jacob his car for five dollars.
24. Pretend you don't know where the car went and show him the five dollars saying it was left on his porch.
25. Ask him to dress up as Dracula and fight with Jacob in his wolf form.
26. Invite people over to his house and trash it.
27. Tell Esme and Carlisle it was Edwards idea.
28. Try to sell his bed on ebay
29. If he asks where it's gone ask him why he needed a bed anyway
30. Try to sell his Cd's on ebay.
31. If he asks where they went say Jacob stole them.
32. Try to take his pulse and freak out when you can't find one
33. Make a lifelike Bella dummy (with Bella audio) and throw it into a fire.
34. Interrupt his musical meditation with, "Hey, can you play Jingle Bells?"
35. Give him a divorce atterny card and say, "Just in case."
36. Force him to watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin with you. Send him accusational glares at random throughout the film.
37. Lock his phone after you set Me So Horny by Two Live Crew as the ringtone and then call him over and over and over again in public. (for those of you that don't know the song, there's awful loud moaning sounds while they chant me so horny over and over again.)
38.Get a shock collar with sequins on it and have Emmett put it on Edward. Give Jacob the remote.
39. Every time he walks near you jump in front of the nearest car and scream "Save me Edward!"
40. Challenge him to a breath holding contest and accuse him of cheating.
41. Blindfold him and take him to a tanning salon.
42. Jump out of corners and proceed to beating him with large planks of wood every ten minutes
43. Sit in his room and stare at him for hours.
44. When he demands why you're staring at him tell him that you're not leaving until he falls asleep.
45. When he tells you he can't sleep, threaten that Santa won't come if he stays awake.
46. Paint his Volvo pink and write “I love Jacob” all over it
47. Sing "It’s a Small World" over and over in your head and follow him around
48. Give his number to Jessica and tell her, he’s interested
49.Ask him about Bella’s eighteenth birthday party
50. Just think of the color black when he's around so he thinks he can't read your mind either.
51. Continuously hop on his back shouting, "I'm your spider-monkey! YA!"
52. Prank call him saying you have kidnapped Bella and will only accept his volvo as ransom.
53. Sing 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' in your head continually, over and over again, he'll go insane in less then three hours guarenteed
54. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts, and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and ask him where Bella is.
55. Get Carlisle to have "The Talk" with him.
56. Torch his meadow.
57. Run around the school with flyers that say "Save the Mountain Lion!"
58. Set the banner on Bella's cellphone to I love Jacob.
59. Do the same thing to his.
60. Say, "Oh you and Bella looked so cute at the movies yesterday" and when he says that they never went to the movies say, "Oh, but I'm sure it was Bella, and she was all over that other guy."
61. Tell him Darth Vader is his father
62. Run around the school shouting, 'EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN'
63. Make Bella president of the La Push Cliff Diving Society
64. Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"
65. Superglue Bella's window shut.
66. In front of Nessie, say aren't you glad you didn't kill the little brat.
67. Remind him that Jacob and Nessie are eventually going to...well you know.
68. Say, "wow, you lost your virginity at 107 and your daughter is going to lose hers at 7...to the guy who was in love with your wife
69. Every time you take a picture of him, ask him if he'll show up when you print it out.
70. Before you print it out, photoshop it so he doesn't show up in it.Print it out and show it to him.
71. Continually poke him with a pencil muttering quietly about how it's the closest thing to a wooden stake you can get.
72. For his birthday, buy him spray-on tan.
73. Tell him you think it's great that he gave Bella up to Jake. When he asks you what you're talking about, say "uh...I've already said too much." and run away.
74. After Bella dumps him for killing Jacob, tell him it was a misunderstanding, and that Bella and Jacob were never together.
75. Cover his yard with "Beware of Vampire" signs.
76. Make an "I love Jacob" website and say Bella made it.
77. Tell him he didn't steal Bella's virginity, Jacob did.
78. Tell him that Nessie is Jaspers daughter.
79. When you 'discover' he's a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,"The power of Christ compels you!"
80. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
81. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
82. Tell Tanya Edward has decided to take her back
83. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
84. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
85. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
86. Run around with a lighter threatenign to set him on fire if he comes any closer.
87. Ask him to turn you into a vampire, beg and plead when he says no... then threaten Bella's life. When he agrees say I can't wait till Bella hears about this. Once he has bitten you scream in agony and cry asking him how he could do this to a perfect little girl like me?
88. Once you change into a vampire, tell Edward you bit Bella, saying he was right and Bella' blood does smell amazing and you couldn't resist, sorry.
89. Push him into the sun and start to sing Diamonds are a girl's best friend
90. Throw garlic at him while screaming die die die
91. Shove him over the boundary line
92. Stab him with a pencil
93. ask him what happened to cedric at the end of "harry potter and the goblet of fire" inquire that Carlisle is really Voldemort in disguise and voldemort is really a vamp who attacked cedric instead of killing him, therfore, Edward Cullen
94. ask him why everyone in his family has more muscles then him
95. -call him a stupid shiney volvo owner
96. - beging to sing "the lamma song" in his ear, but change the words to "heres a cullen, theres a cullen, and another little cullen, funny cullen, fuzzy cullen, cullen cullen, TRUCK"
97. Put love notes into his locker and sign them Jacob Black
98. tell him that you can now read his mind, and he should be ashmed by the graphic ways he pictures bella
99. laugh when he explaines himself and shake you head saying you were only joking
100. Read New Moon and talk about it whenever he is around
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100 WAYS TO ANNOY JACOB BLACK
1. Walk to him with a tennis ball, throw it, and then yell “Go fetch!”
2. When he doesn’t get it yell, “What kind of dog are you!”
3. Tell him that Paul killed his sister, and then when he gets beat up by Paul tell him you were joking and walk away laughing.
4. Pick up your stained bed sheets and yell at him to not go potty in the house.
5. Tell him that he needs a haircut and take him to the pet groomers
6. Sign him up for obedience class
7. Buy him a shock collar and shock him every time he swears
8. Put a muzzle on him in the middle of the night, and tell him, “That’s for trying to steal Bella from Edward.
9. Jump in a shallow pool and wait for him to save you. When he asked why you didn’t just swim to the ladder tell him you don’t know how to doggy paddle, and ask if he can teach you sometime.
10. Tell him that he needs to give you CPR and when he leans down to do it hold your nose and tell him he smells like wet dog, and Edward smells better.
11. If he tries to kiss you ask him if he got his rabies shot, and if it would be ok if we kissed.
12. Follow him around singing Who let the dogs out
13. Buy him a dog treat and a chew toy for his birthday
14. When he gets mad about his birthday present cry, and say Edward would have loved it.
15. Ask why he doesn’t sparkle like Edward, and when he says it’s because he isn’t a bloodsucker tell him you think men that sparkle are hot.
16. When he’s sleeping dump glue and glitter all over. When he wakes up and yells smile and say, “Now I find you attractive. Show me your fangs vamp boy.”
17. When he gets mad and yells at you tell him, “I just wanted you to feel pretty like Edward.”
18. When you put poison ivy in his bed and he starts itching the next day ask him if he has fleas.
19. Tell him you know the “real” reason why the La Push guys are so “close” ;)
20. Whenever he does something good pat his head and say “Good boy.” Then give him a dog treat
21. Whenever he tries to kill Edward grab a rolled up newspaper, and hit him on the nose saying, “Bad Dog! We don’t bite people! Only vampires can do that!”
22. Every night at a full moon howl really loud, and ask him why he’s not doing it to.
23. Walk up to him and start touching his butt. When ask you what you’re doing tell him you’re looking for his tail
24. Make insinuations about him and the pack having “hot sweaty doggy fun”
25. Replace his shampoo with flea shampoo
26. Whenever he hides from you yell “oh where oh where has my little dog gone”
27. Dress up like the Voltaire for Halloween and go trick or treating in La Push
28. Ask to come over for dinner and serve him dog food in a dog bowl
29. Take a picture of him and put it on a missing dog flyers, and pass them out all over school
30. Put his phone number on a gay vampire website
31. At the bonfire sneeze and tell him your allergic to dogs
32. When you walk down the street with him and pass a fire hydrant ask him if he has to go tinkle
33. Pick hair out of the shower drain and tell him his shedding is really bad this year
34. Read Bella and Edwards honeymoon scene from Breaking Dawn out loud to him
35. Whisper in his ear and tell him “We could do that.” When he gets close to kissing you pull away and say “Wait I forgot. You and Sam are together.”
36. Tell him his being half naked bothers you and you would rather stare at Edward all day.
37. When he phases steal his pants and run into Edwards’s house saying “Edward loves seeing you naked!”
38. Touch his forehead and freak out about how hot he is. Call the hospital and make him stay there till he gets better.
39. When he gets mad at you grab a silver spoon and yell “Stay back! I’ve got silver!”
40. Take him outside and tell him to go potty. When he doesn’t and tries to go back inside tell him “No one likes a dog who isn’t housetrained.
41. When he’s bad take him outside and chain him up.
42. When he threatens you tell him he better stop or you’ll call the dog pound
43. When he shakes with anger yell “OH MY GOD! He’s having a seizure! Call doctor Cullen!”
44. Dance around him yelling “You imprinted on the Loch Ness Monster! Holy fuck! Being a werewolf is some fucked up shit!”
45. Beat him at a game and shake your head saying “Second place again Jake. Will you ever be number one?”
46. When you and him get in a fight and he just keeps yelling then you yell “STOP BARKING!”
47. Tell Jacob you made him a lama song and start singing, “Here’s a werewolf, there’s a werewolf, and another little werewolf. Fuzzy werewolf, funny werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, truck. Werewolf, werewolf, Cullen, werewolf, Grizzly, human, stick, werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, cliff, werewolf, werewolf, werewolf, truck. I was once a vampire. Bella gave me rabies. But I never saw the way. How Edward kissed the Sam. I was only a puppy. Bell had a baby and now I’m dating a Loch Ness monster. Did you ever see a werewolf? Kiss a werewolf on a werewolf. Werewolf’s werewolf tastes of werewolves. Werewolf, werewolf, truck. Half a werewolf. Twice the werewolf. Not a werewolf. Newton. Werewolf. Werewolf in a car. Alarm a werewolf. Werewolf. Truck. Is this how it is told now? Sam is so old now. Is it made of flea juice? Smelly. Giant. Hot. Emily likes to cook for them. Leah’s out of luck now. And in the final chapter. He imprints on a monster.”
48. When he gets really mad tell him it’s ok, and you can’t help who you imprint on.
49. Give him mouthwash for Christmas and tell him he has dog breath.
50. When he’s in the bathroom bang on the door and yell, “No drinking out of the toilet!”
51. Whenever he tries to kiss you tell him dogs make good pets, but not good partners.
52. Make him a day-by-day flip calendar; counting down the amount of time Bella has left to be human.
53. Ask him if Edwards good in bed
54. Replace his car with a dog leash and collar
55. Tell him you found his long lost twin and show him a poodle
56. Tell him your tired of seeing him half naked and glue his shirt to his chest
57. Tell him that you saw Nessie kissing Leah and laugh when Leah beats him up.
58. When he ask you what you’re laughing at say, “You go beat up by a female dog.”
59. Crash his rabbit and tell him that Quil did it
60. Every time he asks you on a date say “Sorry, but I have a date with Edward at two.”
61. If Jake breaks his leg or gets sick take him to the vet
62. You're getting ready to go fishing and he tells you he has worms and you hand him a box of De-wormer medication
63. When you drive around with him you make him sit in the back, and open the window for him
64. When he comes to your house you cover everything in plastic just so he doesn't tear anything up.
65. Enter him in a dog show, and tell him “You’ll get best in show!”
66. Buy him a vampire outfit for Halloween
67. Photoshop a picture of him and Edward, then give it to him as a present.
68. Ask him if he’s related to Scooby-Doo
69. Walking in on him having a naughty dream, and yell, “That it! You’re getting fixed tomorrow!”
70. Constantly remind him that Bella would rather die than be with him
71. Whenever you see a cat push Jake and say, “Go get it Jakey! Get the kitty!””
72. Redo his bedroom and put Edward poster all over his wall
73. Buy him a female dog for his birthday and say “This is your new mate!”
74. Ask him if when he has kids if they have them in litters
75. Ask him what would happen if he turned into a wolf in the middle of, well, you know
76. Tell him Jane has the hottest for him
77. Then go to Italy and tell Jane that Jake has the hottest for her.
78. Laugh when she shows up at Jakes front door in a bra and thong
79. Tell Jake that Bella wants him back. Laugh when Edward beats the shit out of him
80. Dress up as a vampire, and then go to Jakes house and tell him that the Cullen’s turned you. Laugh when Emmett takes him down in five seconds.
81. Tell Jake you’re pregnant with Jaspers kid.
82. Laugh when tears the house up and tell him you were kidding
83. Tell him it’s not Jaspers it’s Mike’s
84. Laugh when he kills Mike and tell him he was joking
85. Tell him you’re official a Edward Cullen fan, and wear one of his t-shirts every day
86. Make him wear a leash and collar when you go for a walk
87. Tell him you’d rather see Edward naked them him
88. When you don’t have your homework point to Jake and say “My dog ate my homework.”
89. At Lunch make him eat on the floor
90. Ask him if he’s really Taylor Lautner in disguise, but then laugh and say, “Nope there’s no way. Taylor is way too sexy to be you.”
91. Tell him you know what he really does on patrol ;)
92. Tell him that Edward stalks him, and is watching everything he does.
93. Laugh when he hasn’t taken a shower in a month and tell him you were kidding
94. Set his background on his phone to a half naked picture of Edward and ask him, “Does his half being naked bother you?”
95. When he’s in wolf form ask him what he has to do when he has to go potty
96. Point out the nearest tree from him, and say “That’s where you go.”
97. Tell him it’s gross that he loves a two year old
98. Ask him if they’ve done it yet, and tell him it’s gross if they have
99. Ask him if he can talk to other animals beside the pack when he’s in wolf form
100. Ask him why he’s on steroids, and when he says he isn’t say, “Oh so what you’re a werewolf, because werewolves don’t exists. Only vampires do.”
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100 WAYS TO ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him you saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of the days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like a ********* or if it's just you.
8. Tell him Bella wants to elope with Paul
9. For his birthday give him a one houndred dollor McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.
10. Call him your "Cuddly Wuddly Eddicans"
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
12. Tell Edward that Alice said she saw him having a 'honeymoon' with Jessica
13. Show him a picture of Robert Pattison and laugh at their resemblance
14. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you. Call him a liar when he says no.
15. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.
16. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.
17. Ask him about Dracula, you know, his distant cousin?
18. Train the dog Jacob to follow him everywhere
19. Ask him to go somewhere when he says ‘no” say "Come on! Jake would let me!"
20. Follow him around the house with wind chimes shouting, "Come on, Eddie! Just take your shirt off ONCE!"
21. Ask him if when its sunny he walks in high trafic areas just for fun.
22. Ask him how he got into Bella's floor boards without leaving any evidence.
23. Sell Jacob his car for five dollars.
24. Pretend you don't know where the car went and show him the five dollars saying it was left on his porch.
25. Ask him to dress up as Dracula and fight with Jacob in his wolf form.
26. Invite people over to his house and trash it.
27. Tell Esme and Carlisle it was Edwards idea.
28. Try to sell his bed on ebay
29. If he asks where it's gone ask him why he needed a bed anyway
30. Try to sell his Cd's on ebay.
31. If he asks where they went say Jacob stole them.
32. Try to take his pulse and freak out when you can't find one
33. Make a lifelike Bella dummy (with Bella audio) and throw it into a fire.
34. Interrupt his musical meditation with, "Hey, can you play Jingle Bells?"
35. Give him a divorce atterny card and say, "Just in case."
36. Force him to watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin with you. Send him accusational glares at random throughout the film.
37. Lock his phone after you set Me So Horny by Two Live Crew as the ringtone and then call him over and over and over again in public. (for those of you that don't know the song, there's awful loud moaning sounds while they chant me so horny over and over again.)
38.Get a shock collar with sequins on it and have Emmett put it on Edward. Give Jacob the remote.
39. Every time he walks near you jump in front of the nearest car and scream "Save me Edward!"
40. Challenge him to a breath holding contest and accuse him of cheating.
41. Blindfold him and take him to a tanning salon.
42. Jump out of corners and proceed to beating him with large planks of wood every ten minutes
43. Sit in his room and stare at him for hours.
44. When he demands why you're staring at him tell him that you're not leaving until he falls asleep.
45. When he tells you he can't sleep, threaten that Santa won't come if he stays awake.
46. Paint his Volvo pink and write “I love Jacob” all over it
47. Sing "It’s a Small World" over and over in your head and follow him around
48. Give his number to Jessica and tell her, he’s interested
49.Ask him about Bella’s eighteenth birthday party
50. Just think of the color black when he's around so he thinks he can't read your mind either.
51. Continuously hop on his back shouting, "I'm your spider-monkey! YA!"
52. Prank call him saying you have kidnapped Bella and will only accept his volvo as ransom.
53. Sing 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' in your head continually, over and over again, he'll go insane in less then three hours guarenteed
54. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts, and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and ask him where Bella is.
55. Get Carlisle to have "The Talk" with him.
56. Torch his meadow.
57. Run around the school with flyers that say "Save the Mountain Lion!"
58. Set the banner on Bella's cellphone to I love Jacob.
59. Do the same thing to his.
60. Say, "Oh you and Bella looked so cute at the movies yesterday" and when he says that they never went to the movies say, "Oh, but I'm sure it was Bella, and she was all over that other guy."
61. Tell him Darth Vader is his father
62. Run around the school shouting, 'EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN'
63. Make Bella president of the La Push Cliff Diving Society
64. Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"
65. Superglue Bella's window shut.
66. In front of Nessie, say aren't you glad you didn't kill the little brat.
67. Remind him that Jacob and Nessie are eventually going to...well you know.
68. Say, "wow, you lost your virginity at 107 and your daughter is going to lose hers at 7...to the guy who was in love with your wife
69. Every time you take a picture of him, ask him if he'll show up when you print it out.
70. Before you print it out, photoshop it so he doesn't show up in it.Print it out and show it to him.
71. Continually poke him with a pencil muttering quietly about how it's the closest thing to a wooden stake you can get.
72. For his birthday, buy him spray-on tan.
73. Tell him you think it's great that he gave Bella up to Jake. When he asks you what you're talking about, say "uh...I've already said too much." and run away.
74. After Bella dumps him for killing Jacob, tell him it was a misunderstanding, and that Bella and Jacob were never together.
75. Cover his yard with "Beware of Vampire" signs.
76. Make an "I love Jacob" website and say Bella made it.
77. Tell him he didn't steal Bella's virginity, Jacob did.
78. Tell him that Nessie is Jaspers daughter.
79. When you 'discover' he's a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,"The power of Christ compels you!"
80. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
81. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
82. Tell Tanya Edward has decided to take her back
83. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
84. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
85. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
86. Run around with a lighter threatenign to set him on fire if he comes any closer.
87. Ask him to turn you into a vampire, beg and plead when he says no... then threaten Bella's life. When he agrees say I can't wait till Bella hears about this. Once he has bitten you scream in agony and cry asking him how he could do this to a perfect little girl like me?
88. Once you change into a vampire, tell Edward you bit Bella, saying he was right and Bella' blood does smell amazing and you couldn't resist, sorry.
89. Push him into the sun and start to sing Diamonds are a girl's best friend
90. Throw garlic at him while screaming die die die
91. Shove him over the boundary line
92. Stab him with a pencil
93. ask him what happened to cedric at the end of "harry potter and the goblet of fire" inquire that Carlisle is really Voldemort in disguise and voldemort is really a vamp who attacked cedric instead of killing him, therfore, Edward Cullen
94. ask him why everyone in his family has more muscles then him
95. -call him a stupid shiney volvo owner
96. - beging to sing "the lamma song" in his ear, but change the words to "heres a cullen, theres a cullen, and another little cullen, funny cullen, fuzzy cullen, cullen cullen, TRUCK"
97. Put love notes into his locker and sign them Jacob Black
98. tell him that you can now read his mind, and he should be ashmed by the graphic ways he pictures bella
99. laugh when he explaines himself and shake you head saying you were only joking
100. Read New Moon and talk about it whenever he is around
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Well i hope that u guys like this one! pretty funny>:)