Round and Round

i lay alone
looking at the ceiling fan above
wondering about what the future holds
trying to imagine you in it
somehow i cant....not completely
you come in and out through the scenerios i create
i run through them
as if im replaying a movie
again and again im my head

sometimes i see you face
other time im waving you a painful goodbye
i ask advice
they tell me to tell you my aprehentions
but i know the would only hurt you
something id never purposefuly do
im afraid of what pain you might cause yourself
so for now
i will pull through day by day
trying to be happy
looking up at the ceiling fan in my room