Lungs Filled With Lies

Drowning in my thoughts and stream of conciseness
Burning lungs and a cloudy mind seems to be the problem
However hard I breathe I can’t get the air I need
But I can’t help but smile and laugh
Not caring seems to be the temporary cure
Though I can’t seem to ignore the tingling in my chest.

In and out the air goes
My body is a jittery mess
As if I was on some sort of drug induced craze
But meth isn’t my problem today
It’s the feeling of loss and regret and disappointment
It makes me wish I had the guts to do something about it and not just sit here
I can only take selflessness so far
But shush and don’t worry
Because my smile is so pretty and distracting
Just like it’s supposed to be.

The aching feeling hasn’t been around in so long I don’t know what to do
So I just sit here and stare
There isn’t much I could do before anyway
The anxiety seems to overtake me sometimes
And I break down and cry for no reason
Just because I feel the need to
Even though I haven’t the right
I do it anyway.

I can’t bleed or become drug induced like I appear to be
Someone will notice and explanations will be needed
I have none to offer though
None that will satisfy at least
Because I’m just a little insane for thinking that they’d accept my reasons anyway
But I can’t blame them because my reasons are weak
Practically non-existent.

So now my lungs are filled with lies and excuses that I won’t use
Because I’m too frail to deal with the aftermath
But I guess that’s for the best
I’d regret what I’d done and want to take it back
For know I still wish I could.