This New Emotion

Is this I fear now, only you
What is this I feel now, I haven’t a clue.
What is this new emotion inside?
Something I have never felt before, yet it’s been here all my life.
Like a mix of everything bad I feel,
Hatred, sorrow, fear, loneliness, sadness, this cant be real.

Someone slap me it must be me dreaming,
Because you cant hear me as loud as im screaming.
Bleeding, crying, wishing I was dying.
Every time I laugh it’s just me lying.
Tourniquet, darkness, shadows of rain,
This newfound emotion is much worse than pain.

I know for sure this is a one of a kind feeling,
Like my way of dying without dealing.
The new scars I create every night,
Is my way of saying im not willing to go down without a fight.
I feel crazy, and lost in a world beyond reality,
I want this to end, but I wont let it, it keeps me company.

XXX-Jess-OOO