If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me

You would know that my dad died

If you really knew me

You would know that he was a drug addict

And an alcoholic since before I was born

If you really knew me

You would know that I have a mom with a disease that makes it hard to do anything

If you really knew me

You would know that my brother has grown away from the family

And that he hates my mom

But really loves us deep down

If you really knew me

You would know that every fight, every bad word said to me, every little comment festers like

an infected splinter and hurts

If you really knew me

You would know that I started cutting in 9th grade, even though I always thought I was

stronger than that

If you really knew me

You would know that I wish that my brother would get along with my family better

If you really knew me

You would know that I wish I didn’t have to work around my mum’s disease sometimes

If you really knew me

You would know that I feel like people always expect me to be happy

If you really knew me

You would know that I’m a nice, forgiving person, but is taken advantage of

If you really knew me

You would know that there are so many things I want to say, but never do

If you really knew me

You would know that I’m too scared to cry

If you really knew me

You would know that I was depressed for three years

But knew how to cover it up

To the point where I thought I really was happy

If you really knew me

You would know, that I love every single friend I have, even the ones I’m fighting with

You would know that I support you in whatever you strive for

You would know that I always try to keep you away from the bad things

You would know that I shoulder most of the bad things so no one else has to experience

them

You would know

That I am me

And I am not afraid to show it.