A Story Not Meant To Be Told

Here's how it goes, as secrets unfold.
Get ready for a story, not meant to be told.
From the girl with the pen, and a paper or two.
Who doesn't know anymore, what she should do.
A few months back, she threw it all away.
But everybody promised her, it'd be okay.
Because it always was, in the end.
But she became broken, wasn't sure she could mend.
They put her back together, in certain ways.
But when you're that far from light, darkness stays.
And brings with it voices, that you can't help but confide in.
As they tell you it's okay, to commit a deadly sin.
And they dance for you, before your tired eyes.
That's the reason, she had to start telling lies.
But then lies come, and lies go.
You get a phone call, and soon your father begins to know.
That it's much too late to make things right.
And she still doesn't know, where the strength came from that night.
But then voices get louder, and days grow longer.
The want to die, it only grows stronger.
Thoughts come and go, about sexuality.
And she wondered, "Is a guy, or a girl right for me?"
Then it happened, that unexpected turn.
A bridge full of questions, it could finally burn.
As she found happiness on that girls lips.
And gently touched her cheek, with her finger tips.
But the story doesn't stop, no happily ever after.
Day after day, she headed back to disaster.
Secrets came out, about a friend and the one she loved.
And she knew then, the last of the feelings had to be shoved.
As she fell back into love, with somebody unexpected.
But it's life, and perfection hasn't been perfected.
Because more lies unfolded, more secrets cut her heart.
Took a group of friends, and fatally tore them all apart.
So she took a marker, and wrote her lovers name.
But what happened next, well, she takes the blame.
Truth came out, in a conversation with a friend, like a sister.
And the things they realized, nearly killed her.
Guilt took over, it couldn't happen now.
There had to be a way, to get over it somehow.
But she knew she had to do it, it was better for her new love.
So she picked up the phone, and prayed to the ones above.
But prayers weren't answered, and she knew as she spoke.
That miles away, it was her fault a heart was being broke.
And now she sits here, thinking about it all.
How stupid she was, to ever fall.
For anybody at all, and it won't happen anymore.
As she puts up the walls, that she once had before.
To block it all out, she'd rather go back to living in fear.
And she wonders where she'd be now, if that stuff hadn't happened last year.
Maybe she'd be happy, maybe she'd be dead.
Maybe she'd be content, still hanging by her thread.
She doesn't know, and she really doesn't care.
You can't take back the memories that will always be there.
So here's to the mistakes, every single one of them she's made.
As she inches toward, her best friend, the blade.