So this is me..Part 1

So this is me..This is what I am
A lover, a liver, or just a scam..
A liar, a hater, everything I seem i'm not..
A fuck up, a traitor, to think I ought...

So what the hell am I if not fake..
If not a liar seeing not what's at stake..
Could have been normal but ..
Live on lies and the pain of the cut..

So deep am I plunged into hell I cannot flee..
It all started back when I was young you see..
I was about in second grade when it began..
The lies and pain there started and ran..

I failed over and over as my parents screamed..
They talked about my death, it seems I dreamed..
But it was real, I can tell by the gash..
My lies have left to display like a dash..

Thrown to the wall and my father would yell
"You better start fucking working and doing well!!!!"
I cried myself to sleep then woke prepared for the day..
But nomatter the effort my thoughts just slip away..

Come home with the same faliure as before..
Parents would see and slam the door..
Screaming at my mother trying to understand..
Father comes and grabs me by the hand...
His other hand gripping my hair and I yell
And he threatened me more "GO TO HELL!"
I failed yet again, let my familly down..
So I thought it would be better to drown..

Through the years it worsened and so..
being bullied by both parents and foe..
Councelors run out of medications..
mind losing grip with intoxications..

Therapist moving away from town
So they don't have to deal me down..
Perscription for drugs passed along..
Of misery and pain I sing this song..

So this is what I am..
A faliure and yet a scam..
I lie and I cheat like everyone else..
But I love and I hate like everyone else...

So yeah..I'm a fucking monster..What now
I am what I am..that's all there's to allow..
But allowance and tolerance are of difference..
When your familly hates you..
Telling you everyday you're insignificant..
Because you can't make the grade or you can't see
Past the hole you dug from lies
Built on suffering and cries...

---End of part 1