Darkness

Darkness

It’s clawing at me, trying to grab what’s left.
Slowing sinking its nail into me, to drag me under.
That darkness so thick, so impenetrable.
So heavy with loss and loneliness.
It swallows the screams, takes them all.
It’s ripping, tearing, suffocating me.
Asphyxiated, I’m drowning.
Intoxicated on the numbness.
Scrambling for some foot hold, some way to stay.
To clutch what little sanity is left.
And I swear I’m not mad, I’m really not.
But there’s something there, something waiting.
Waiting to snatch away what it can.
I’m so victimized, so traumatized.
So slashed, so torn, so barely there.
I should’ve known not to trust, not to try.
Not to trust myself to deal with this.
The scream was smothered, stuck in my throat.
It lodged there, not able to get out.
It’s these tremors, so close to nightmares.
Like something is gripping my throat, squeezing.
Choking me with fear that I can’t get out.
And I can’t get out, I’m trapped here.
Locked, chained, and pinned down to the floor.
But nothing’s around my wrists, they’re bare.
Nothing is there, just emptiness everywhere.
Dark, stifling emptiness, with no one, nothing at all.
The pain is ravaging, picking at the wounds.
Raking at the cuts so they throb more.
It’s torture because you can’t hear yourself scream.
You can’t cry out with pain.
The noise is buried in the shadows.
Into the darkness no one else sees or understands.
Alone forever, no hope of being found.
No hope, no light, no compassion, just nothing.
Just hollow, bare, bereft of anything.
And it’s waiting to pull you in, to drag you under.
Patiently waiting in the darkness.
Waiting for the moment you succumb to it.
I can’t, I’m thrashing, trying to run.
But the chains tighten more, the fear builds up.
And the bare scream rips from me.
But no one hears.
No one understands.
No one knows.