Let Go( Preserving A Memory)
Do you ever feel
That this isn't where you're supposed to be?
Way up high
Looking down
At me
I never took you seriously
When you said you were going to do it
In that phone call last night
I shrugged it off
Five months ago, I would have believed you
Before you changed
Changed into a jerk
I've had a crush on you for so long
Did you know?
Of course you know
Why did you have to figure it out
The second you stopped being the boy I loved?
Our friends have already mourned your loss
To them, you may as well be dead
Because the person we were friends with
Was long gone
You had an everlasting supply of cheesy jokes
We begged you to stop telling them
Told you they weren't funny
I can almost hear one now
The wind carries it down to me
From your perch
It whispers in my ear
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!"
Your laugh echos in my mind
How long has it been, since I heard that laugh?
I want to hear it again...
At the top of the gray, dirty building
You coil
Preparing
To throw everything away
You're just another desperate teenager
A..statistic
Nobody will remember you
I will
I'll try...
But how can I remember you
Without hate?
You used me
You took advantage of me
You crushed me
And yet..I think I still love you
Or do I merely feel pity?
Do I only mourn for who you were?
You're close to the edge now
Gravity
Enticing you closer
Your eyes gleam
Because all you want..
Is for it to be over
You're granting your wish...
I stand on the cracked pavement, watching
I open my mouth
But no sound comes out
My phone nudges against my hip
I could call 911...
But I won't
I won't stop you
Because there's a little part of me..
That understands
How you feel
Desperate and scared
Looking for an escape
For a while, I was your escape..
I fight myself, as you teeter on the edge
Sneakers gripping the ledge of the building
Friction
Pushing you forward
Into gravity's grip
I want to save you..
But I need to let you go
I can't always be your safety net
I can't always sacrifice myself for you
Your eyes finally catch mine
You stare at me for a second
The lone observer
You mouth 'Sorry.'
Before you jump
Your body..
It slices through the air
And then it hits
Crumpling on the sidewalk
I don't know how
But suddenly I'm next to you
Kneeling in a pool of deep red
I whisper frantic pleas
"Please, don't go. Don't leave me! I'll be your escape, I don't care! Just don't..." My voice trails off at the last word
"Don't..jump."
It's too late for that
My fingers
Frantically dialing 911
I already know it's too late
You look at me
With those deep, crystal clear eyes
And I..I see you
The you I loved
"No!"
I scream, as your hand creeps into mine
Irony
I dreamt about holding hands with you
But not here
Not now
Not ever
Paramedics are here
Dragging me away
They ask me questions
Your name
Your address
But all I can remember..
Are the small things
Your favorite color was green
You loved the winter
You were afraid of the dark
That's not what they want..
They flip you over, amidst my screams
"Stop! You'll hurt him!"
Pity in their eyes..
Hushed whispers
They strike at me
I scream "He's not dead! I told him not to jump! Just..just get him down."
I glance up at the building
Where you stood
Just a few short seconds ago
Anger suddenly rushes through me
"Coward!"
I scream
"Coward!"
You took the easy way out
And left me to deal with the mess
You don't have to miss me..
But I have to learn to live without you
At your funeral I stood
Looking down at you
In your coffin
I wanted you to wake up
To smile that cocky grin
I wanted to go back
Back to that phone call
So I could convince you out of it
Could I have convinced you out of it?
Your mom thought so
Through her tears
She shot me glares
I'm sorry...
You are the reason I'm here today
Speaking to crowds
About the importance of getting help
Sometimes
I feel dirty
Like I've..profited off you
This is my job
But as I stand there
Gazing out at the crowd
I see you
A thousand times over
In a thousand lonely eyes
They stand alone
Hunched over
Baggy clothes
Wayward glances
Today, he's hiding in the shadows
I make eye contact with him
Just as he looks up
My breath catches
He has your eyes
Your scruffy blond hair
Quickly, I turn away
Before the pain can start
But when I tell your story
I gaze straight into your..his eyes
They shift constantly
Yearning
Yearning to escape
To be numb
To just end all of this
But death..is not an escape
It's permanent
Don't take that escape
Escape into my words
Hear my story
Of a boy like you
Of a girl
Like the one standing next to you
Head down
Don't escape through her pain
Learn to live again
Death is not an escape from life
It is the END of life
There are so many other ways..
The audience claps, and the boy and girl
Disappear
A principal is by my side
Loudly proclaiming how touching I was
What a difference that he's sure I've made..not that there are any people like
That
In his school, no sir.
Finally, he leaves
Leaving me in an empty auditorium
I sink down on the wooden stage
Feet swinging idly
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" A voice whispers in my ear
That voice
His voice
I look around
But I already know that nobody's there
I shut my eyes tight
Fists clenched at my sides
Willing myself to see you
As the wind whispers your question to me once again through the still air of the auditorium "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
I murmur "To get to the other side."
Laughter swells in my ears
His laugh
But then..his tone turns serious "And what if..the chicken got hit by a car on the way across? What would his mother do?"
"I don't know" I whisper back,
The image of you behind my closed eyelids getting stronger and stronger
Clearer and clearer
If I just reach out..
"She'd have to let go..." The wind..his voice, says quietly, echoing "Let go..let go.."
"Excuse me?"
My eyes fly open
I stumble back
You were there
You told a joke
You told me..to let go
As my visions focuses
I see you
I see him
The boy from before
The one who looked like you
The girl at his side speaks again
"He wanted to know..if your story was true."
I nod slowly "It was.."
The boy looks..torn
I murmur to him
"Death isn't an escape. It's the end."
He looks at me, years and pain in his eyes
The girl stands by his side
Concern and regret in her eyes
I reach behind me, grabbing a brochure
'Suicide Hotline'
Is painted across the front
He clutches it like a lifeline
As the pair exit
I couldn't save you
But I might have saved him
And so many others..
It's time to let go.
When I saw you at the top of the building
All those years ago
When I didn't call for help
I thought
I had let you go
By letting you jump
I hadn't
I haven't, still
Now..
Two rights don't make a wrong
No matter how many people I save..
It doesn't make up for the fact that I lost
You
Can I let you go..while still holding onto a memory?
It all depends...which memory you hold onto
Your broken form on that sidewalk
Or your laugh
After a cheesy joke
I can't let go of you
But I can let go of the guilt
The shame
I can preserve your memory
And help save others
From becoming only a memory
It's time to let go.
That this isn't where you're supposed to be?
Way up high
Looking down
At me
I never took you seriously
When you said you were going to do it
In that phone call last night
I shrugged it off
Five months ago, I would have believed you
Before you changed
Changed into a jerk
I've had a crush on you for so long
Did you know?
Of course you know
Why did you have to figure it out
The second you stopped being the boy I loved?
Our friends have already mourned your loss
To them, you may as well be dead
Because the person we were friends with
Was long gone
You had an everlasting supply of cheesy jokes
We begged you to stop telling them
Told you they weren't funny
I can almost hear one now
The wind carries it down to me
From your perch
It whispers in my ear
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!"
Your laugh echos in my mind
How long has it been, since I heard that laugh?
I want to hear it again...
At the top of the gray, dirty building
You coil
Preparing
To throw everything away
You're just another desperate teenager
A..statistic
Nobody will remember you
I will
I'll try...
But how can I remember you
Without hate?
You used me
You took advantage of me
You crushed me
And yet..I think I still love you
Or do I merely feel pity?
Do I only mourn for who you were?
You're close to the edge now
Gravity
Enticing you closer
Your eyes gleam
Because all you want..
Is for it to be over
You're granting your wish...
I stand on the cracked pavement, watching
I open my mouth
But no sound comes out
My phone nudges against my hip
I could call 911...
But I won't
I won't stop you
Because there's a little part of me..
That understands
How you feel
Desperate and scared
Looking for an escape
For a while, I was your escape..
I fight myself, as you teeter on the edge
Sneakers gripping the ledge of the building
Friction
Pushing you forward
Into gravity's grip
I want to save you..
But I need to let you go
I can't always be your safety net
I can't always sacrifice myself for you
Your eyes finally catch mine
You stare at me for a second
The lone observer
You mouth 'Sorry.'
Before you jump
Your body..
It slices through the air
And then it hits
Crumpling on the sidewalk
I don't know how
But suddenly I'm next to you
Kneeling in a pool of deep red
I whisper frantic pleas
"Please, don't go. Don't leave me! I'll be your escape, I don't care! Just don't..." My voice trails off at the last word
"Don't..jump."
It's too late for that
My fingers
Frantically dialing 911
I already know it's too late
You look at me
With those deep, crystal clear eyes
And I..I see you
The you I loved
"No!"
I scream, as your hand creeps into mine
Irony
I dreamt about holding hands with you
But not here
Not now
Not ever
Paramedics are here
Dragging me away
They ask me questions
Your name
Your address
But all I can remember..
Are the small things
Your favorite color was green
You loved the winter
You were afraid of the dark
That's not what they want..
They flip you over, amidst my screams
"Stop! You'll hurt him!"
Pity in their eyes..
Hushed whispers
They strike at me
I scream "He's not dead! I told him not to jump! Just..just get him down."
I glance up at the building
Where you stood
Just a few short seconds ago
Anger suddenly rushes through me
"Coward!"
I scream
"Coward!"
You took the easy way out
And left me to deal with the mess
You don't have to miss me..
But I have to learn to live without you
At your funeral I stood
Looking down at you
In your coffin
I wanted you to wake up
To smile that cocky grin
I wanted to go back
Back to that phone call
So I could convince you out of it
Could I have convinced you out of it?
Your mom thought so
Through her tears
She shot me glares
I'm sorry...
You are the reason I'm here today
Speaking to crowds
About the importance of getting help
Sometimes
I feel dirty
Like I've..profited off you
This is my job
But as I stand there
Gazing out at the crowd
I see you
A thousand times over
In a thousand lonely eyes
They stand alone
Hunched over
Baggy clothes
Wayward glances
Today, he's hiding in the shadows
I make eye contact with him
Just as he looks up
My breath catches
He has your eyes
Your scruffy blond hair
Quickly, I turn away
Before the pain can start
But when I tell your story
I gaze straight into your..his eyes
They shift constantly
Yearning
Yearning to escape
To be numb
To just end all of this
But death..is not an escape
It's permanent
Don't take that escape
Escape into my words
Hear my story
Of a boy like you
Of a girl
Like the one standing next to you
Head down
Don't escape through her pain
Learn to live again
Death is not an escape from life
It is the END of life
There are so many other ways..
The audience claps, and the boy and girl
Disappear
A principal is by my side
Loudly proclaiming how touching I was
What a difference that he's sure I've made..not that there are any people like
That
In his school, no sir.
Finally, he leaves
Leaving me in an empty auditorium
I sink down on the wooden stage
Feet swinging idly
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" A voice whispers in my ear
That voice
His voice
I look around
But I already know that nobody's there
I shut my eyes tight
Fists clenched at my sides
Willing myself to see you
As the wind whispers your question to me once again through the still air of the auditorium "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
I murmur "To get to the other side."
Laughter swells in my ears
His laugh
But then..his tone turns serious "And what if..the chicken got hit by a car on the way across? What would his mother do?"
"I don't know" I whisper back,
The image of you behind my closed eyelids getting stronger and stronger
Clearer and clearer
If I just reach out..
"She'd have to let go..." The wind..his voice, says quietly, echoing "Let go..let go.."
"Excuse me?"
My eyes fly open
I stumble back
You were there
You told a joke
You told me..to let go
As my visions focuses
I see you
I see him
The boy from before
The one who looked like you
The girl at his side speaks again
"He wanted to know..if your story was true."
I nod slowly "It was.."
The boy looks..torn
I murmur to him
"Death isn't an escape. It's the end."
He looks at me, years and pain in his eyes
The girl stands by his side
Concern and regret in her eyes
I reach behind me, grabbing a brochure
'Suicide Hotline'
Is painted across the front
He clutches it like a lifeline
As the pair exit
I couldn't save you
But I might have saved him
And so many others..
It's time to let go.
When I saw you at the top of the building
All those years ago
When I didn't call for help
I thought
I had let you go
By letting you jump
I hadn't
I haven't, still
Now..
Two rights don't make a wrong
No matter how many people I save..
It doesn't make up for the fact that I lost
You
Can I let you go..while still holding onto a memory?
It all depends...which memory you hold onto
Your broken form on that sidewalk
Or your laugh
After a cheesy joke
I can't let go of you
But I can let go of the guilt
The shame
I can preserve your memory
And help save others
From becoming only a memory
It's time to let go.