Hidoi (Cruel)

"He's thinking of giving up."
Words I thought I would never hear.
No, no, no, no, no...
Stay. Don't give up on me.
Wait for me a bit more.
Hidoi. You're so cruel.

What can I do to make you stay?
I've lost all confidence in myself.
Not that I had any to begin with.
But you're long gone and the chances
have come and passed.
All I can think about is you.

Just get out of my head.
Out of my life, out of my thoughts, 
out of my line of sight.

I think I'm fine. I think I'm just fine,
until I see your face.
Then the cruel cycle starts again.

I miss you. I love you.
I need you. I want you back.
I hate you. I don't need you. 
I'm just fine.

"What do I say?"
Words won't come out of my mouth.
Silence. The sound of me panicking.
Nothing I could say would make it better.
Hidoi. I'm so cruel.
♠ ♠ ♠
No matter how much I rant and vent about my break up, it never seems to get better. I thought writing would help ease my pain. It's been over three months, so why is the pain still fresh?