Why

Here I sit,
Slowly, silently falling into a black pit,
and where are you?
what did I ever do?
my thougts keep reeling,
i keep comming back to the same feeling,
i feel so lost,
but i tell myself that the memories and moments were worth the cost,
how can i keep a straight face?
i'm losing my place,
and you close yourself away,
you're here today,
and gone the next,
havent i passed the test?
you cant even talk to me,
and there are things that you cant see,
im changing and i dont like it,
i dont want to lose myself in the pit,
so ive become something different,
and this is not what i meant,
i didnt mean to lose myself in all this,
im so lost but i still remember that kiss,
i asked you to kiss me,
cause i wanted to see,
to see if it was still there,
yeah, you've still got me by the hair,
you broke my heart,
you promised me you wouldn't from the start,
but you lied,
now i sit downstairs and hide,
i cant live this way,
i have to get out and away,
but i cant run from you,
i can cross all the oceans blue,
sit in the middle,
get lost in the sound of a fiddle,
but your still there,
your fingers wrapped up in my hair,
it's almost like a curse,
and it's only getting worse,
you wont leave me alone,
i just want to go home,
but you see you were home,
and you left me here alone,
you know too much about me,
and you still dont seem to see,
i love you,
i hate you,
come back,
go away, leave me here in grey and black,
why?