little.masochistic.i.love.you.
Something is triggered by banality and my skin begins to burn...
In little red roses spread across my cheeks,
I remember the days we spent
and the lies I told
and I miss you.
Even when you're right beside me.
Even when we touch.
I miss you.
And I can't breathe for screaming,
contorting myself in shapes no one has ever seen.
My nails dig moons into gnawed palms...
Hair is torn out in chunks like dry-erase markers.
And I miss you.
Through burning eyes and mascara runs,
lipstick scratches all over my face
(until there iss no point left in morning preparations).
Funny, they were all for you... I want you to think I'm pretty.
Vanity's not my worst fault.
For you, I give the world.
I tear it down.
I smile and I laugh so I never have to cry again...
But it's nothing you haven't seen before.
How many people can say they've seen me at my worst?
I wanna tell you EVERYTHING.
I want you to know...
Like a song from a million years in our past,
you're the reason for me to change who I used to be.
And I miss you.
I won't say I'm sorry because an apology is nothing you like to accept.
I choke to find what I have to say...
There's nothing caught in my throat.
It's these memories.
Are they haunting me?
Are they taunting me?
Are they kicking sand and throwing knives?
I miss you.
Seeing things I'll never get again
And lips for crowds...
Why'd you have to say it?
Why am I so stupid?
I am trying, please believe, to forget your face
Your voice
The way your eyebrow twitches at stop lights
And your torso bends, slumped in movie seats
I'm trying to forget everything we've been
Or said we want to be...
And this hurts.
And I miss you.
But it's not my heart breaking.
It's my ribcage.
It's my spinal cord.
It's my phalanges and patellas
It's hypochodriac arrest.
I miss you.
You break it, you buy it?
Not this time.
It was my fault...
I handed you the hammer.
You dealt the blows.
But no matter how muchs blood spurts from unslashed wrists,
no matter how many tears don't fall (but crash around you),
this is my fault...
If only you were lonely...
Wish you were here.
I miss you...
So, so very far.
In little red roses spread across my cheeks,
I remember the days we spent
and the lies I told
and I miss you.
Even when you're right beside me.
Even when we touch.
I miss you.
And I can't breathe for screaming,
contorting myself in shapes no one has ever seen.
My nails dig moons into gnawed palms...
Hair is torn out in chunks like dry-erase markers.
And I miss you.
Through burning eyes and mascara runs,
lipstick scratches all over my face
(until there iss no point left in morning preparations).
Funny, they were all for you... I want you to think I'm pretty.
Vanity's not my worst fault.
For you, I give the world.
I tear it down.
I smile and I laugh so I never have to cry again...
But it's nothing you haven't seen before.
How many people can say they've seen me at my worst?
I wanna tell you EVERYTHING.
I want you to know...
Like a song from a million years in our past,
you're the reason for me to change who I used to be.
And I miss you.
I won't say I'm sorry because an apology is nothing you like to accept.
I choke to find what I have to say...
There's nothing caught in my throat.
It's these memories.
Are they haunting me?
Are they taunting me?
Are they kicking sand and throwing knives?
I miss you.
Seeing things I'll never get again
And lips for crowds...
Why'd you have to say it?
Why am I so stupid?
I am trying, please believe, to forget your face
Your voice
The way your eyebrow twitches at stop lights
And your torso bends, slumped in movie seats
I'm trying to forget everything we've been
Or said we want to be...
And this hurts.
And I miss you.
But it's not my heart breaking.
It's my ribcage.
It's my spinal cord.
It's my phalanges and patellas
It's hypochodriac arrest.
I miss you.
You break it, you buy it?
Not this time.
It was my fault...
I handed you the hammer.
You dealt the blows.
But no matter how muchs blood spurts from unslashed wrists,
no matter how many tears don't fall (but crash around you),
this is my fault...
If only you were lonely...
Wish you were here.
I miss you...
So, so very far.