Faces

It's starting to show, the tears in my eyes.
I always said once you got better that I'd visit you,
your cheerful face,
no matter your condition,
you would always smile back.
I know I can't change it now, but if I could spend more time with you,
I would and I will.

When my dad left, you were always wanting to see me, unlike him.
He admitted to my face that I wasn't his daughter, ever.
You always saw me as a grandaughter, never doubted.
You're wise and inspirational,
I don't want to lose you.

The news hit me,
my face became flushed,
I didn't know what to do or say.
It just kills to know that you were my wake up call.
I can't say anything,
there could be a better way to look at it, but I'll wollow, to make it as painful as possible, to make me fear this same mistake I've been making.
I never keep my word,
I'm sorry, I was never a good grandaughter.

Soon, all I'll have left is pictures and mental memories.
You have no idea how good of a grandmother you are,
I'll never forget.
You never forgot about me,
sitting at home,
while the one I used to call Dad, took my brother for a weekend.

The news just hit me,
cancer will soon claim your life.
I'm sorry.

I walked into the cold stuffy room, the sun lit up the room,
there you were on the bed, barely awake.
Morphine trailing through your body like blood.
Saying a word without letting a tear seep out,
the hardest thing yet.
I know, you're barely breathing now,
but hearing you say that you loved me made me
think back to the first time I met you, my grandmother.
I love you.