My Living Suicide

Everyday is the same,
I don’t understand why,
There’s only one person to blame,
So why do I lie.

My head is down all day,
I remember my place,
I envy their way,
But can’t look at their face.

They don’t look at me,
I’m just another freak,
Why don’t they see,
Kindness is what I seek.

I slowly cut the skin,
I don’t feel the pain,
I can never win,
I’m like a cripple without a cane.

I feel stuck in a closed jar,
An escape is what I lack,
I always go too far,
But I always come back.

My soul I slowly beat,
I can’t feel the hurt,
I don’t ever cheat,
I always do the worst.

I’m told I’m a sinner,
But of what god do they mean,
They say I’m just a beginner,
But I know what I’ve seen.

Every little slice,
Has a story to tell,
It’s my version of paradise,
Where pain is easy to sell.

Suicidal thoughts used to never come,
Now they are here all the time,
I used to only want some,
But now I always cross the line.

I always feel the same,
After I hurt myself,
I know I’m to blame,
But I put my logical thinking on the shelf.

Suicide has become my friend,
I see him everyday,
He’ll be there in the end,
To help my find the way.

No one else can feel,
No one else can know,
My life will never heal,
My life will never glow.

I try to change my heart,
I just want to hide,
Because everyday is part,
Of my living suicide.