Cut
How deep to I have to go
Just to feel the pain
I drag the blade hopeful
Only to find it useless
One more line and maybe
Maybe I can feel something
Sick of emotional hurt
Desperate for physical agony
I'd rather scream with the blade
Than stand silently so depressed
It's so much better and I love it
Because I can finally smile
Never faking it and feeling so good
As the pain sinks in I feel intoxicated
Can't move as I drift off somewhere else
Throbbing and burning I can finally breathe
As all my worries fall away but will come back
Yet I can just cut them away again and relax
The scars will make me so ashamed
But it's my only source of happiness
It's all I got to give myself so fuck respect
I'll be nice to you but I'll just hurt me
Laughing as the pain embraces me
Hurting all the ones who love me and yet
I just can't let this go it's a damn addiction
So stressed out I have to injure myself
Just to shake uncontrollably and calm down
The scars will build up and I won't stop
I'm going to cut my problems away so
So maybe one day I can stay or leave
Choose life or death whatever is fine
It's my life and for now I'm going to self-harm
Because I don't give a fuck about anything else
I'm adding another disease to me and I don't mind
I'll hide it all from the world and keep making more lines
Just to feel the pain
I drag the blade hopeful
Only to find it useless
One more line and maybe
Maybe I can feel something
Sick of emotional hurt
Desperate for physical agony
I'd rather scream with the blade
Than stand silently so depressed
It's so much better and I love it
Because I can finally smile
Never faking it and feeling so good
As the pain sinks in I feel intoxicated
Can't move as I drift off somewhere else
Throbbing and burning I can finally breathe
As all my worries fall away but will come back
Yet I can just cut them away again and relax
The scars will make me so ashamed
But it's my only source of happiness
It's all I got to give myself so fuck respect
I'll be nice to you but I'll just hurt me
Laughing as the pain embraces me
Hurting all the ones who love me and yet
I just can't let this go it's a damn addiction
So stressed out I have to injure myself
Just to shake uncontrollably and calm down
The scars will build up and I won't stop
I'm going to cut my problems away so
So maybe one day I can stay or leave
Choose life or death whatever is fine
It's my life and for now I'm going to self-harm
Because I don't give a fuck about anything else
I'm adding another disease to me and I don't mind
I'll hide it all from the world and keep making more lines
♠ ♠ ♠
Later on I found out that no matter how matter how much pain or damage I caused myself, there was just no escaping the nagging and regretful memories of my past. And the emotional breakdown never went away no matter how much blood I shed or how many make-shift razors I made. Cutting may seem like a temporary but good fix, but then you realize that the pain you sought isn't what you really wanted. It was happiness all along. And cutting made me feel like I could somehow obtain the euphoria through pain, but I now realize that it just doesn't make any sense. Finding things that make you happy isn't impossible, you just need to know where to look. And self-harm can never help you, no matter how many times you do it.