i guess i was wrong

How long is it going to take for me to realize that you aren't worth my tears
how long to i have to keep telling myself that i'm worth more than this
only to be proven wrong as it happens time after time
Am I really what they all keep telling me
Because it's slightly disheartening every time
It always gets worse
It's never easy
My heart is aching and I just keep beating myself up over something that
.... i brought down on myself.
Will I really be the only one... never to feel love?
Never to have the unconditionally happy feeling in the pit of your stomach
i thought that...
i thought that things would be different this year
i thought that I could protect myself better
Turns out
i left myself vulnerable on all sides
i let you in
and you let me down
you fucked with my head
you played with my heart
and left me broken
just blaming myself for everything that's wrong
with myself
and with
me
why can't i bring myself to blame you for any of this?
why can't i just see your name and want to hate you?
why can't i just let go?
why is it, that whenever it comes to this, i never blame them?
and always blame me
i thought that i'd done well
i though...
i was wrong