Drowning In Self Made Solitude

Why do I always find myself drowning in sorrow?
From one word that sends me off
The only way out is consoling my fears
Welcoming them, inviting them in

Spinning into a new kind of depression
One that crushes and pulls and tares
Then is suddenly lifted off my shoulders
But only for a brief moment
Just to hurt me even more
Then I'm fighting your way back from the bottom

Letting the little things to get to me
But shy should it matter?
I've already hit rock bottom

Putting on a face of utter happiness at school
One that my friends can't see through
Then coming back to my own personal hell
Condoling to pen and paper

Finding myself alive in the morning
But not feeling it
Turmoil tumbling inside of me
To the point it takes everything just to breath

Is this the way I'll always be?
Knotting myself over everything bad?
Maybe, possibly.
But at least I know I'll always have
My self made solitude.