Wishing

I listen to your problems,
I watch you cry,
and even as days goes by,
I never leave your side.
I watch you go through depression,
I see you never learn your lesson.
You never embrace your flaws,
You continue to bypass all the laws.

You're over judgmental, and call me many names,
Like slut or whore or dumb,
But these are your kind of games.
You say it's not your fault for what I've become.
But you raised me this way,
no matter what you do or say,
I'm not gonna change.
So for once take a bit of blame,
I already know your shame.
Shame of me, and the family.

You never listen,
you never understand.
I would map it out, I can.
You still wouldn't get it.
Only you can make me this way.
You're always bitchy,
I have to have twice the snap.
Twice the smarts.
I have to hurt you too
Only cause you make me so sad,
is that really so bad?

I wish you could be,
the mother you were supposed too be,
I wish you could see things, for even one second the way I see.
I wish you could hear the things I do,
Then just maybe you would rue,
everything you said.

Instead you push my problems away, saying you don't want too hear it,
sadly by doing that, little by little, you've pushed me away too.
I want you to be happy, really I do.
But not at the cost of my own happiness, that you always threw.
I don't want you around me as much.
We're too different, no matter what anyone says.
You don't understand what your words can mean.
You don't see what needs too be seen.

Are you surprised mom?
That after I'm 18 I'm long gone,
it's your fault, even if I'll never say it.
Unless you start to change
you'll lose this relationship.

What will you have then,
I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to see what needs to be.
If you keep pushing my words aside,
you'll push away me.

I wish you would change,
I wish you would see,
how much you mean too me,
how much is lost, cause your so depressed.

Your marriage is shattered,
your kids are damaged,
your life isn't too good,
you can't handle the littlest things,
this is what depression brings.

I wish I didn't have too blame you.
But it is your fault.
I wish you would change.

I'm not blind,
I know not too wish,
yeah I know not too start.
Cause did you know?
Wishing only wounds the heart.