Ode to the Study Hall Douchebag

Ode to the study hall douchebag,

Back row sitter,

Food eater and class disrupter.

You crumple papers.

Throw books to the ground, laugh loudly at somethings

That are not funny.

Talk back to the teacher,

Sharpen your pencil a hundred times over.

Flick finger footballs across the room,

Eat poptart breakfasts and

Innumerable bags of chips.

Shoot wadded up paper basketballs

To the garbage,

Bypass the recycling bin.

Fall asleep in the back row.

Wear your big sweatshirts

And baggy jeans,

Never bring enough work to last the entire period.

Crush cans of juice against

Your forehead,

Cry out in pain,

Make all of the other study hall douchebags

Laugh until the teacher notices.

Ode to the study hall douchebag,

Back row sitter,

Food eater and class disrupter.

You distract the other students

And I,

Call us four eyes and snicker when we

Come into class,

Our arms full of books.

Oh, study hall douchebag,

I long for the day that I see you bagging groceries,

Flipping burgers,

Sweeping floors and

Making only minimum wage.

For now,

I will sit through study hall with you,

Ignore finger footballs,

Bags of greasy chips,

The teacher’s warnings,

Waiting for the day that I can

Rub your horrible study hall habits

In your face.

Ode to the study hall douchebag,

Future burger flipper,

Grocery bagger,

Garbage sweeper.