What could of been.

The same thing each night.
The same thought.
The same prayer.
The same cause of tears.
The same sick feeling.

Gazing up at the stars, I attempt to count them, once again.
Each one that is counted, has the name of something I miss.
Laying in bed, I clench my pillow tight.
Replaying all the memories and conversations in my head.
Why can't I forget?

I thought it would all be ok once I was with you.
No more sorrow, no more pain, no more playing that same game.
During the night, I can't even rest in peace.
You didn't tell me sweet dreams last night, or the night before that, or the night before.
You haven't for a while, a while that feels like a eternity.
each day without you feels like a year of
drowning.
And drowning for year might be even easier.

I don't hear your voice anymore.
I don't feel your touch.
I don't have you anymore.
It's starting to become unbearable, I can't stand it.

You were my shot in the dark, that brought me light.
You were white, while everything was black.
You were, my world.
God, I miss you.

As I lay here, thinking of you.
I bite my lip, and grit my teeth, but it dosen't help.
The flood gates break, and I begin to cry.
At one simple thought,

"What could of been, but never will be."