Feelings Beyond

I'm the little girl that screamed at night for it to end,
But now i love the feeling of the pain against my skin.
With out the pain,
I can't breathe,
It feels like the walls are caving in on me.
I lay in my dark cold room,
thinking should i put more drawing and saying of the pain i went through or the blood from my cuts on the walls in my room.
I laugh at the pain of others,
It makes me feel good inside to see them scream and cry from the pain their in.
I laugh in the face of death,
I scream at happiness.
I'm scared of being around people,
Then being alone because when I'm alone I can be myself.
But when I'm around people I can't be myself or mommy and daddy will be mad at me.
Mommy and daddy dresses me up like a living doll for their friends because their scared of the real me.
They think i wanted to be like this,
But I got cozy with the pain when mommy and daddy was beating me half to death of every second of the day.
In the end I'll have a big smile on my face for showing mommy and daddy the pain i went through because of them.
But I'll smile so big when I go through the pain for the last time.
I watch my blood run down my arms and cuts,Into the pool of blood around me I whispered"I'll finally be put to sleep".Then the darkness takes me whole.
Love the little girl that screams at night for it to end.
P.S. I got my wish...It ended.