Pain

People always tell me
You once cared for me
But I look in those eyes, and always see you laughing at me

Inside my head I cry ‘Why do you laugh!”
For I can’t find a reason
I have shown you no hate
But my words mean nothing
Because you are grinning again

But I want to know why
Why I hurt so inside
If you do not feel any emotion for me
Why should I feel any for you?

It’s stupid that I love you
That I care about your judgment
When deep down inside
The scars you left still haunt me

What did I do?
To be hurt so by you
I can’t ignore
The pain I endure
While your selfish heart laughs
You have no idea of the amount of pain you have caused
And I have the feeling that if you did, you wouldn’t care at all

I want to say that I hate you
I want to cause you pain
But in the end
That is not the way to gain
Your approval or your kindness
Listen as I write this
The damage you have inflicted
Is not lost on your victims

When you were in the hospital, I was in tears
When you felt pain, I felt it too
But if I were in that situation
You wouldn’t even care
Like a person at a funeral
I am left in despair

Why does this hurt so much?
I can barely breathe
I never thought these words could ever mean so much to me
Am I really that disgusting?
Do I not deserve to live?
If this is called living,
I really want to be dead