I'm sorry

I’m sorry for all the pain I put you through, I’m sorry for the all the times that I hurt you, made you think you were special, told you that you made my heart melt, from all those lies I’m surprised you could never tell, I’m sorry I made you think you meant so much to me. I’m sorry for all distance that we had to live with, and all the shit, I can’t believe you could even stand it, I’m sorry for all the times I said I’d try, and turned my back on you like a coward, why, did you let me watch you cry, and never once, did I feel like I wanted to die. I’m sorry that I hit you and made you weep, never really showed you that my emotions were actually so deep, wish you woulda made a fool out of me ‘cuz now I’m back in reality only to see that you’re free and I’ll never have you back with me, eternally. I’m sorry that I made you bleed when you were little, played with your mind like life was a riddle. I’m sorry I yelled in your face, sorry I’m trying so hard to replace the part in my heart that just won’t let you erase. I’m sorry I haven’t learned to forgive, just keep pushing you away when all I want to do is live and forget about all this dismay that I feel from day to day. I’m sorry you feel so much love me for that I can’t return, sorry I want you to just let it burn and return back to your normal life, where I’m not around and you can go on living, feeling everything that’s right. I’m sorry I’m a fucking asshole that will never learn how to react, never be able to love you back and beside that fact I’m sorry you felt played, but damn, I wish you knew how sad I got from that. I’m sorry I didn’t visit you when you were in the hospital, sorry I watched you almost drown when you were little. I’m sorry I’m crying as I write these words, I wish you knew just how much you’re really worth and if it makes any consolation, I’d take it all back and make you feel amazing. Let you see that every time I think of you my heart starts racing and when I feel I’m losing you my soul starts fading, my legs are breaking. I’m sorry I’m getting too weak to tell you that you’re somethin’ I just can’t live without, but even through all my mistakes I hope you never doubt the undying love I will feel for you here on out. I’m sorry I’m too emotional for my own good; sorry for wanting you to be just like this too. I’m sorry for pissing you off to the extent where we both say things we will forever regret. I’m sorry to say we have to go on living life this way, feeling hatred and sadness, racism continues, and makes us all a savage. I’m sorry I’ve said these words more than I really should’ve, but if you only knew how I felt and what I could’ve, no would’ve done, I would’ve made you feel like you were the only one and if life had just begun, I would’ve picked you up in my arms and never run. I’m sorry I always ran from things I couldn’t control and I never held you when the world was cold, but I’m not doin’ that anymore, I’m gonna stay and let you feel love more than you ever did before and this I know for sure, you’re mine and I’m only yours, forevermore.