Marlboro Red 100s

She wants them to kill her faster.

I want tar-filled lungs.
I want gasping, struggling, deprivation, agitation.
I want a rush, I want a dependency, I want a habit.
I want chemical, physical,and emotional changes.

I can’t have you, so I’ll have this;
an addiction to the type of things I used to feel.
23 months and the numbness is coming back with a vengeance.
And soon I’ll turn coal black on the inside,
and die from these nicotine dreams.

Falling from these dreams is like falling from the George Washington bridge; fatal.
And I always die before the morning.
I always wake alone by my heart ramming against my chest, covered in sweat, and with the faint smell of cigarettes on my hands.