It Makes Me Half Happy.

I say I think on the bright side,
and that my cups half full
But its not,
I’m stuck in this limbo of living like I’m happy,
And sleeping with a wet pillow from tears and spit.

Me and my boyfriend aren’t ‘star cross’s lovers’
And we don’t love each other.
But we are happy.
But I’m not happy.

My mother and I are alone,
And I’m happy with that.
But she isn’t because she wants love.
She wants love so bad I see her once a week.

My dad and I are distanced.
I don’t know where he is and he doesn’t care where I am.
It makes me happy .
I’m happy when he is’t.

I drink so much I have liver problems,
I smoke when no ones looking,
I’ve even started cutting again,
And it makes me half happy.

No matter how amazing he is,
The middle two stanza’s reduce me to this unstable wreck.
And If I crash,
I’m bring every one down with me.