Letter to God, Whoever That Is

Dear God,
What are you?
Creator or the Universe
or
A made-up comfort zone for lonely people?
How can I know for sure?
Daily miracles occur,
but
Can they be coincidence?
I fear if I don't believe,
and
You are real, I'll be in Hell
for eternity.
but
If you're not,
What's the point?
Why is nothing simple?
If you're there, show me
somehow.
I know you say not to question you,
but
that one character did...
and
I need help!
It says I can come to you for help,
It says so... It does....
So please help me believe you
I'm so lost...
In so many ways
but
If you're real,
and
You're all your word says you are,
You already know why I'm lost.
I'm sick of lying
So, so sick of control,
I feel I might explode...
Not in that psychotic, mental sense of hurting someone else
but
Literally explode,
like my entire being imploding to fire
A painful yet somehow...
Relieving fire.
So God, if you're there,
If you can hear me
If you're listening
If you're real,
Help me...
Don't let me turn into fire,
because
I want nothing but to brighten my loved one's days
To be that fun, welcoming, constant friend to my friends...
They may see it
On the surface
but
It's just a mask over this time bomb of jumbled, lost, crazy confusing that will someday explode and change my being to the dead young soul I feel I'll become....
and
Lose the things I hold close...
So help?