Monster

Have you ever been slapped in the face by someone you love?
I have, and let me tell you it hurts.
My husband is a good man, or so I thought.
I have loved him since the moment we met.
And since those golden days of our first love
I knew I'd be his always.
But I never saw this coming,
that's a lie I saw the signs.
The way he grabed me too tight when I tried to leave,
How aggressive of a lover he was.
Little things I ignored because I loved him,
I didn't want him to leave me so I pretended it wasn't true.
I can still remember the first time he hit me.
We were fighting and I tried to remain calm.
He got me all worked up and in slow motion
I can still remember his hand as it hit my face.
The clap of the slap as his hand made contact with my cheek.
The sound of the thud as I fell to the ground,
and the tears that stung as they rolled down.
I felt weakier than I ever thought I could feel then in that moment.
It was then that I began to fear him.
Not only did I fear him but I feared for my kids.
I ask myself everyday how could I do this?
How could I do this not only to myself but to the kids?
Seeing them cry when he hits me breaks my heart everyday,
even as I tuck them in, lying that everthing is okay.
I think to myself as I hold them in my arms,
How can I still love him?
How can I?