She Can't Think

Nothing happened in the movie.
Nothing happened in the car.
He didn’t make a move;
She figured, “Things will stay how they are.”

Another text message,
A second date of sorts,
His house is empty;
“Will we get in trouble?” she asks, and he snorts.

One minute they’re teasing each other,
Tickling and poking like always.
The next he takes her hand,
Pulling her through the upstairs hallways.

One minute they’re dancing--
Impromptu shuffling to a radio-provided tune.
The next he kisses her,
Arms steadying her against a swoon

First kiss!
She’s ecstatic.
She kisses back,

It doesn’t occur to her
The direction in which things are going.
It’s not until he pulls her closer
That she feels his hardness growing.

They move from the doorway
And sit on the bed.
She finds herself on her back,
Shirt over her head.

One minute she’s giggling;
She can’t believe he likes her.
The next minute he reveals himself,
And a bolt of uncertainty strikes her.

One minute they’re exploring--
Hands sandwiched between clothes and warm skin.
The next he takes it further,
Unwanted fingers probing within.

He takes it further still,
Wrapping her hands around him.
She doesn’t know what to do--
Just stares at the stiff limb.

She didn’t come here for this.
She’s not that kind of girl.
All she wanted was her feelings returned,
And now her mind is in a whirl.

One minute he’s okay
With her not knowing what to do.
The next he shows her;
Won’t let her stop ‘til he’s through

Then it’s almost time
For her to go home and hit the sack.
He lets her clean herself up;
Refastens her bra in the back.

He kisses her goodnight,
Walks her inside like any gentleman would.
She can’t figure out
How she was so hopelessly misunderstood.

The next day she texts him,
Not knowing what to think.
He tells her they’re done;
Her heart breaks with a clink.

She doesn’t understand
What she did wrong.
Memories haunt her
When she hears that certain song.

She vows not to think about it,
But the possibility crosses her mind.
Despite her best efforts,
It puts down roots; can’t be denied.

Now, when she dreams
Tiny hands press her stomach from inside out.
Things replay in her mind:
“It didn’t count. It didn’t count.”

Now every time she sees him,
She’s reminded of this mess.
And she can’t think what to call it—
She didn’t say no; she also didn’t say yes.