Personal Disgust
Total disgust is what I see and feel
When my eyes fall upon a perfect mirror.
And I see the hideous creature staring back.
The aftermath of living in my own personal Hell.
Never once giving myself a chance for hope,
Never once trying to like myself at all,
Just let myself believe what the others said.
Never once standing up for myself.
Useless, worthless, ugly, trash, fat, stupid...
Nothing but negative reenforcement around me.
I believed them all, and I let myself fall,
Fall into an endless black hole.
I let myself fall into cutting, drinking, and smoking.
A high or a buzz to let the pain fade away
And to be free of the come for just a little bit.
It all became and addiction, and a sole part of me.
The only place I wanted to be was high or drunk.
I liked not having to care about anything at all.
I liked being able to control when I slipped back into the coma.
The cutting let the pain flow out with the blood.
I found myself alone, with no one around.
Darkness was there, holding his hand out for me.
To lend a comforting hand, and I fell further.
Further into a self destructive trap.
I couldn't see ahead up the road, or what was there.
My salvation, my saving grace, the one who cared.
She helped me put the razor down, along with
The alcohol,and weed, slowly to recovery.
She made me compliment myself on the hardest days,
And she tried to help me for once love myself.
That will be a never ending war, that I can never win.
That will be a never ending war, that I will have to endure for the rest of my life...
When my eyes fall upon a perfect mirror.
And I see the hideous creature staring back.
The aftermath of living in my own personal Hell.
Never once giving myself a chance for hope,
Never once trying to like myself at all,
Just let myself believe what the others said.
Never once standing up for myself.
Useless, worthless, ugly, trash, fat, stupid...
Nothing but negative reenforcement around me.
I believed them all, and I let myself fall,
Fall into an endless black hole.
I let myself fall into cutting, drinking, and smoking.
A high or a buzz to let the pain fade away
And to be free of the come for just a little bit.
It all became and addiction, and a sole part of me.
The only place I wanted to be was high or drunk.
I liked not having to care about anything at all.
I liked being able to control when I slipped back into the coma.
The cutting let the pain flow out with the blood.
I found myself alone, with no one around.
Darkness was there, holding his hand out for me.
To lend a comforting hand, and I fell further.
Further into a self destructive trap.
I couldn't see ahead up the road, or what was there.
My salvation, my saving grace, the one who cared.
She helped me put the razor down, along with
The alcohol,and weed, slowly to recovery.
She made me compliment myself on the hardest days,
And she tried to help me for once love myself.
That will be a never ending war, that I can never win.
That will be a never ending war, that I will have to endure for the rest of my life...