Don't Wake Me

This is for all those I have ever hurt,
for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
All I can say are the frivolous words,
the cheap and overuse of I'm sorry.

Sometimes my feelings get the best of me.
They rage, and they thrash, and they scream,
fighting inside me to break free of the chains
that I have so tightly bound to them.

At times I say things I do not think about,
meaningless phrases without a purpose.
I swear they don't mean anything, no harm.
They just burst out of me without a thought.

I often make jokes that hurt people,
mindless mischief that goes horribly wrong.
It's done willingly, and my eyes are wide open,
but even with vision, I am still blind.

Because no matter how hard I try,
I don't have chains,
I don't have bindings or restrictions,
and I don't have control.

It's scary to realize the damage I can do
without the power to reign myself in.
That I have the strength to inflict pain,
whether it be bitter, anxious, or sad.

I have the capability to strike out
and to make dumb decisions.
I can damage and cause distress
just like any and everyone else.

But I also have a stubborn sense of will
to right the things that I have wronged.
For even though I am like others,
I'm in the small percentage who owns up to their mistakes.

So I apologize to you.

I'm sorry that I can be insensitive
and not feel empathy for your feelings.
I'm sorry that sometimes I can be callous
and bruise the soft hearts of those around me.

But most of all I'm sorry for hurting a friend
and for emphasizing a joke that had no business being emphasized.

I'm sorry we haven't spoken,
I'm sorry for causing a rift between us,
and I'm sorry for not having the guts to say this in person.

I'm sorry.