Going Out With a BANG

Is it so strange to have these emotions?
The gun
The loaded gun
The loaded gun shiny and silver
The newly purchased loaded gun shiny and silver
As the newly purchased loaded gun shiny and silver is pointed in the direction
The newly purchased loaded gun shiny and silver is pointed in the direction of my head
Tears crash down as the newly purchased loaded gun shiny and silver is pointed in the direction of my head as my finger slides slowly over the trigger
As the tears stop crashing and the not so new not so shiny, not so silver more scarlet red gun makes a loud BANG as the gun drops down and my finger slips through.
And the only words that could be read on that lined piece of paper were
"I stopped loving myself when no one loved me."