music is better than reality

lost in my music.
music is better than reality.
because in reality i have a life.
a life that i would rather not live.
its just so much easier to listen to my music
and get caught up in it and not have to think
about anything.
not have to worry about anything or anyone.
until the music stops.
this is when,
reality becomes real.
and i start to think again.
this is when i start to have those suicidal thoughts
reapeated, reapeating.
this is when the blood starts to drip again.
when it starts to pour.
no control over it anymore.
its a voice nagging in my head.
telling me that im doing the right thing.
it tells me to keep going.
that this is the only way to let it all out.
that this is the only way to help.
then the music starts again.
and the world melts away.
this is when i put the knife down and wipe
the blood away.
this is when i stop thinking.
i get caught up in my music.
until again -
the music stops.
but this time doesnt start again.