Sick

Am I perpetually lovesick? The way I feel
e v e r y d a y...
I feel like I'm missing something,
s o m e o n e...
I cannot function as I did before
But how can that be if I am not in love?
I have been in love before –
I have felt my heart pound against my chest
and then leap into my throat
and make it so that I can't breathe.
a pound, a leap, a choke
a stop, a struggle, a stroke.
My brain would shut down.
And if you touched me, my heart would stop
then start up again with the same problems
like a broken-down car.
My body would shake and rattle my windows while transmission fluid leaks from the pores of my skin.
And now my stomach churns;
there is an ocean in my body
with waves crashing against the walls of my gut
and salt water running off in streams from my eyes.
I feel ill
but right now I do not feel love.
I have no one to pine for.
No new pages in my journal
with little hearts in the margins
and our initials repeating like the lines on the page.
I am not in love or lovelorn or loveless.
Maybe I am just sick –