Relying On You

I’m scared.
Scared I’ll go back to my disorders.
Scared I’ll become obsessed with every calorie I take-in once more.
Scared that I’ll harm myself more than needed.
I’m scared I’m falling apart,
Crumbling into pieces,
And all you’re doing is watching.
Mocking me.
Laughing in my face.
You know how I feel about you,
Yet you still find new ways to hurt me.
Why does my happiness have to rely on you?