Chasing Trains

Memories.
I never have any of you though.
Probably because you were never there.
Birthdays, Christmas, Easter..
Not a card received in the mail.
Not a chorus of rings from a phone.
Not a visit in the flesh.
Not any form of notification or knowledge that you even had a daughter.

Years passed, I grew older.
I didn't even know your name.
Maybe it was because ma never talked about you.
Then again, that was my fault.
Never did I ask what you had looked like.
Never did I ask what you were like as a person.
Never did I ask why you had left us.
Never did I ask why you abandoned me.

I grew up faster than any child should have to.
A half-sister, she was all I had.
Probably because I feel like a raised her.
Times were rough, ma did what she had to do.
But life is a cruel thing, even to a mere child.
You still don't know why I am why I am today.
That's because I'll never tell you.
Never shall I tell you what my stepfather did to my ma and me.
Never shall I tell you what I witnessed men do to my ma.
Never shall I tell you what my babysitter did to me.
Never shall I tell you how I felt all those years.
Never shall I share the past that haunts me.
A past that you didn't exist in.