The Box (from Lavatorial Love)

The box.
The white, flip top box
With a red top.
Marlboro.
Surgeon General's Warning.
Plastic still around the box,
Leaving the top
Available to flip open
At my will.

Inside, nine sticks left.
The box is heavier than normal.
That's my flame producer.
That's my fix.
That's my self control.
That's how it all fades away,
When I can't find the knife.
When I can't find the eraser.**
When I can't find any hope.**

**Lines not included in the story.