Why?

My door opens to peak out a small fraction of light
that brings hope to how I feel.
"Maybe this is it?"
no
it closes
with words I hate to hear..
"Your aweful.."
"You are retarded"
all words from my head
screaming at me
for more reasons to let the door close..
black sworming my soul yet again
with blood dripping from my vains
and
like a lion
eating me from inside out..
so I ask..
Why?
and yes,
its over used..like
why is the sky blue?
or do the birds chirp?
but now I use it in a sentence that seems unreal
Why can't someone love me?
And I sit there pondering at this..
letting the door swing open with a rainbow
fluttering the outside world
that I have never seen before.
But the thing is
I answer differently..
"Because I need to love myself.."
and I walked out.. not a care in the world