Crayons & Candy

Can't remember the last time I was alive-
Not dying, crying, or just trying to survive.
I'm sick of feeling do out of luck
When I'm not drunk, sneaking out, or high as fuck.
I want to go back to a time when nothing mattered,
Just crayons and candy, no lives to shatter.
When I wasn't trying to get away,
Just in a happy look-past day.
A time when I could wear short-sleeves,
Not think fat, or need to feel chem relief.
When I could wear a sincere smile-
Long ago, little hide:the:bruise child.
But, as we all do, I grew older,
And hate inside began to smolder-
Like fire and ice inside I bubbled-
The horrible nightmare at which my family shudders.
I'm tired of bleeding for memories or people,
Urges, vision, threats, [church steeples...].
I'm trying not to care anymore,
But inside, past my acid-whore,
I cry and break, and shatter again
And agree with the names- I am a sin.
But I don't care, not about alot,
This war isn't over, it's still being fought.
Can'te erase the memories, urges, regrets, people, or words,
The ones carved, burned, and tattooed in my brain and skin. It all still hurts.