Rearrange

Why can't I be like the other girls?
Ones with pretty smiles and perfect curls?
Ones who manage through the hurt and in the end make life work?
Why must I act like a small child?
So loud, obnoxious, and running wild?
Why must I bitch and act stuck up?
And drabble on about how life sucks?

I hate the fact that I say all of these lies
Asking for attention is how I spend my time
You have no idea how much I wish I'd change
But in the end all I ever do is rearrange

Why must I be so immature?
I envy when I see you still talk to her
And all I'll do is go home and cry
And watch you pass by
I hate how much your touch makes me
want to do these things against my morality
And how I open up to you so quickly
Will you use my memories against me?

I hate the fact that I bottle everything
I hate how my voice sharpens when I sing
You have no idea how much I wish I'd change
But in the end all I ever do is rearrange

I know I have it better than most girls
Yet all I seem to feel is pointless hurt
I'm still afraid to say much to you now
I feel like you'll leave me, somewhere, somehow

And I know that you care and say you'll always be here
But do you know how much it hurts when you call me a queer?
I know you say that it's a joke and stuff
But it makes me feel like I'm not good enough

I hate how my lips chap when I'm nervous
I hate when you pull away whenever we kiss
You have no idea how much I wish I'd change
But in the end all I ever do is rearrange

I hate the fact that I bottle everything
I hate how my voice sharpens when I sing
You have no idea how much I wish I'd change
But in the end all I ever do is rearrange