Numb

I couldn't handle this. My head felt like my brain was going to expand until it cracked swiftly through my skull. My chest was contracting, closing all and every entrances for oxygen. I clentched my chest as tight as I could, my nails digging into my skin. Soon blood will be added to the mix of tragedy if I didn't loosen my grip. I hurt so much. Quickly one hand flew from my chest and covered my mouth. I wanted to scream, though I was unsure if I could make a noise at all the way my lungs were feeling. A small crippled squeak escaped my quivering lips sending my second hand to press tighter on the one already covering my mouth. My lips parted and chattering teeth were exposed. I clentched them as hard as I could in fear of bringing my pain to be audiable to someone other then myself. Water dripped down my entire body mixing with the saline flowing from my eyes. How in the hell could I go from smiling and laughing with everyone and the second I was alone I broke down. Being alone was a problem, but I liked it. I liked being alone, I liked hurting. Yet at the same time I didn't. I wanted so much to stop laying this water slowly rising around my body, I wanted tears to stop stinging my eyes and I wanted to breath, my chest felt like collapsing and no matter what I do, I couldn't control it. But I wanted to scream out in pain! Scream at the top of my lungs! Scream like I was dying. I wanted stay exactly where I was in this water. I wanted it to rise all above until I would have to get out to keep myself from drowning. I was already drowning in my deppression, water simply wasn't an option at the moment. I now have lost the yearning to scream, the need to yell out in pain. And I gripped the sharp metal pulling myself to a sitting position and I watched the water flow off my body and back into the tub around me. I tried to imagine they were my feelings slowly leaving me, I'd rather feel nothing at all, I'd rather be numb.