Shaking

i can't sleep because i can't stop shaking
if my life was a book, someone would come save me
but it isn't so i guess i must suffer
alone in my room where no one will notice

tonight is the night i finally did it
i picked up the bottle and swallowed the pills
I stagger the toilette in hopes i'll be well
instead i throw up and wish i were in hell

This place is so cold, with its four white walls
At least in hell is warmer and has color to it
Does this make me a sinner, because i'm not well
If i am, if i am, then yes i will see hell.

My mother prays for me, its all she can do
She's given up on all else, I should listen more
Instead i walk away and increase my own damage
if i was a house i would be demolished

So now here i am, head over the toilette
Contemplating whether or not to show her
Mother dearest, your daughter's a wreck
A anxious mess with an obsession with death