Recolection

There were nights though they were few
When I believed you meant what you said
But for tonight memories will have to do
Because of those words there's nothing left

I'm sure you believed me distant and cold
And I can't say how far from wrong you'd be
But now that those voices are faded and old
I don't know if who you were describing was me

Hypocritical I know my expectations must have seemed
Whether I was expecting a fairytale ending or not
I can't even say if I had spoke it as I'd dreamed
But I gave you my stories and hopes because they're all that I've got

If there were nights you held me while I cried
I should apologize for how weak I was then
I should have excepted your solace or at least tried
Because every moment I didn't just wore you thin

I'm not asking for the forgiveness I may so dearly want
I know better now than to put you in that place
I just need you to see I understand your disgust
Even if I don't want to be responsible for those days

If I could replace your memories with flowers
You should be damn sure I'd try
You helped pull me through the darkest of hours
And I can't for the life of me figure out why

Whether you regret it is for you to decide
But I'm glad you never expressed your doubt
Because without your reassurance at my side
I can't be sure I would've made it out

Even though you'll never receive my apologies
Or that you'll ever see my face again
If I were to write it for you in mu eulogy
There would be no funeral for you to attend

I can't say that I've always given my best
With you or in any other scene
But if I could repay you with all I have left
There'd be nothing there for you to receive

I won't say sorry but that's what I'll mean
If again we were to meet
I may not even see you or try to be seen
But for you I could've admitted defeat

So take your nights of kindness
I don't want to think anymore
If I can't touch the memories it's meaningless
Because things can never be like they were before