Confused.

I am weak, and broken.

My scars are fading..

I don't want them to.

In the future I want to show the world,

Exactly what I've been through.

The struggles of everyday,

The brokenness I hid,

The sadness that held me down,

Keeping me from happiness.

I want to show them,

Show them the truth.

I want the world to understand,

What I've been through.

I never did it for attention,

Or to say I was cool.

I did it because of inner struggle,

And wanting to find the truth.

The truth of who was there for me.

The truth of who wouldn't leave.

I was looking for someone to hold me,

Someone who wouldn't leave me.

But all I found was hopelessness,

An everlasting fear of rejection.

Barely anybody understood me.

Then I met you,

You told me I was amazing,

That I was cool.

It made me giggle, made laugh,

Made me feel good.

I told you my secret,

You still talked to me.

You didn't run and ignore my pleas,

Whenever I needed comfort.

You say we're just friends.

I think that's what hurts the most.

But that's all I can deal with..

Considering, I'm always second best.

I'm used to the hurt, the pain and sorrow.

You wouldn't know that,

Just by watching me for a day.

You'd have to get into my head,

To understand every dread.

Every dread, of everyday...

Not knowing if I'll throw it all away.

But keeping the blade beside me..

Gives that comfort I yearn for,

As sick and twisted as it seems,

It's the only thing that takes me back to..

Reality.