Those words, and qustions
The only thing I ever wanted,
Was to hear you say those words
But every time I did something good
Even when it hurt me
I did it just to hear those words
You didn’t even look at it
You just say it smells good in here
You never realized how bad you hurt me
But you do all the time
And that’s what I don’t understand
I did everything you ever wanted me to do
And you still haven’t said
Those words
You have said I love you 2
But only over the phone
Why is it so hard to say it to my face?
If you mean it then you should be able to say it to my face
Why?
Why did you do it to me?
What did I do to deserve it?
What do you have to say for yourself?
Why did you lie?
If you loved me so much then why did you do that to me?
I don’t understand anything
I don’t think I can ever believe anything you ever say to me again
But what you don’t know
Is I have forgave you
But no not for you
For myself
Yes it was hard
It was something I never thought I could ever do
But that day something told me that was the best thing for me to do
So I did it
And I’m proud of it
I am so proud even though you wasn’t there to watch me
I didn’t care
No that’s what was best for me
I don’t care anymore
But the crazy thing about it
Is that help me realize that I am better off on my own
And I don’t need to wait on someone that lied to his baby girl to say sorry
Because I have been waiting for 8 years for those two words
But waiting on you is like waiting on Christmas to be scary
Yea I no never going to happen
Unless you change
I do want to know why
That’s all I’ve been waiting on since they told me what that meant
And I understood but what I didn’t understand is how you could do that
When you told me every day I love you and I will never do anything to hurt you
Well guess what now I know the real thing
And I can’t believe that my own blood let me think that you loved me
And that I could trust you
But what I still wish I can hear
Is to hear you apologizing
That’s all I want to hear from you
So I know even though somewhere deep down I know you’re sorry
But I want to hear and see you say it right out your mouth
But I guess I have to wait until I’m about 18 – 20
But by then I would already have my kids, my marriage and everything
So I don’t know if I want to let my kids or even my boyfriend to know
Because he don’t know now so I might just never tell him about you
Oh and when I do get married to Selvin
My papa is walking me down not you
Because you will still be in jail
Because you’re stupid self
Did something so stupid
That nobody understands why you did it
And I mean nobody
And the one you did it to was the only one that
Cared loved had faith in you
Daddy I trusted you and you raped me
How do you think I feel
You let me think that I was everything
Well know you fucked my fucking life up so fucking bad
You know now my mama want look me in the eyes to tell me
That she loves me
I don’t know if I know what love really is
Because the only one that I ever trusted, loved when I was three
Daddy three, three fucking years old
How could you do that to a three year old
How could you do that to anyone
I don’t know how you did it but you did
And nobody is ever going to forget it
Because it fucked up so many people’s lives
Do you know it took six years to trust another guy
I might of acted like I trusted people but because of you
I was too scared to trust anyone
I couldn’t even trust my own family because of you
It’s not like when I was 4 saying I wanted you
Because know because you lied to me and hurt me
There will never be you and I
I am so hurt
That I trusted you
That I called something like you a dad
It kills me that you did anything like that
I trusted you I believed in you I wanted
So much to know that what they was telling me was a big fat lie
But it wasn’t was it
It was the truth
Know because I’m not your little girl anymore
You can’t control me ever
But I do want to see you
Because I have so many questions for you
The biggest one is
If you loved me so much, then why did you rape me?
Was to hear you say those words
But every time I did something good
Even when it hurt me
I did it just to hear those words
You didn’t even look at it
You just say it smells good in here
You never realized how bad you hurt me
But you do all the time
And that’s what I don’t understand
I did everything you ever wanted me to do
And you still haven’t said
Those words
You have said I love you 2
But only over the phone
Why is it so hard to say it to my face?
If you mean it then you should be able to say it to my face
Why?
Why did you do it to me?
What did I do to deserve it?
What do you have to say for yourself?
Why did you lie?
If you loved me so much then why did you do that to me?
I don’t understand anything
I don’t think I can ever believe anything you ever say to me again
But what you don’t know
Is I have forgave you
But no not for you
For myself
Yes it was hard
It was something I never thought I could ever do
But that day something told me that was the best thing for me to do
So I did it
And I’m proud of it
I am so proud even though you wasn’t there to watch me
I didn’t care
No that’s what was best for me
I don’t care anymore
But the crazy thing about it
Is that help me realize that I am better off on my own
And I don’t need to wait on someone that lied to his baby girl to say sorry
Because I have been waiting for 8 years for those two words
But waiting on you is like waiting on Christmas to be scary
Yea I no never going to happen
Unless you change
I do want to know why
That’s all I’ve been waiting on since they told me what that meant
And I understood but what I didn’t understand is how you could do that
When you told me every day I love you and I will never do anything to hurt you
Well guess what now I know the real thing
And I can’t believe that my own blood let me think that you loved me
And that I could trust you
But what I still wish I can hear
Is to hear you apologizing
That’s all I want to hear from you
So I know even though somewhere deep down I know you’re sorry
But I want to hear and see you say it right out your mouth
But I guess I have to wait until I’m about 18 – 20
But by then I would already have my kids, my marriage and everything
So I don’t know if I want to let my kids or even my boyfriend to know
Because he don’t know now so I might just never tell him about you
Oh and when I do get married to Selvin
My papa is walking me down not you
Because you will still be in jail
Because you’re stupid self
Did something so stupid
That nobody understands why you did it
And I mean nobody
And the one you did it to was the only one that
Cared loved had faith in you
Daddy I trusted you and you raped me
How do you think I feel
You let me think that I was everything
Well know you fucked my fucking life up so fucking bad
You know now my mama want look me in the eyes to tell me
That she loves me
I don’t know if I know what love really is
Because the only one that I ever trusted, loved when I was three
Daddy three, three fucking years old
How could you do that to a three year old
How could you do that to anyone
I don’t know how you did it but you did
And nobody is ever going to forget it
Because it fucked up so many people’s lives
Do you know it took six years to trust another guy
I might of acted like I trusted people but because of you
I was too scared to trust anyone
I couldn’t even trust my own family because of you
It’s not like when I was 4 saying I wanted you
Because know because you lied to me and hurt me
There will never be you and I
I am so hurt
That I trusted you
That I called something like you a dad
It kills me that you did anything like that
I trusted you I believed in you I wanted
So much to know that what they was telling me was a big fat lie
But it wasn’t was it
It was the truth
Know because I’m not your little girl anymore
You can’t control me ever
But I do want to see you
Because I have so many questions for you
The biggest one is
If you loved me so much, then why did you rape me?
♠ ♠ ♠
the truth feelings to my father