Sickest Feelings

My chest heaves in anxiety.
I am not nervous
Nor paranoid nor scared.
I feel a clench in my throat
The punches to the stomach
And my heart screams and burns...
Every time I see your face,
Every time I hear your voice,
Every time I read your words,
Every time I speak your name:
I want to die inside because you're not mine.
You have accomplished the hardest objective:
"Break Me"
You pick me up and hold me close,
I'm happy that I'm the one you chose,
Wrong. Wrong: it's all wrong.
I mumble and fumble with the words
I want to curse you and hate you
And yet there are so many others in line,
And you need to hear their agonized thoughts.
You want me to be the same as I have always been
But you need to know, darling dear,
How much I hate you for this;
Hate you for leaving whenever you feel
I am not what you want.
And I die inside because
I am not what you want.
I tell myself day and night,
When I wake up and go to sleep,
"I do not love you anymore."
That is lying to myself
So I can move on
So I do not feel as broken as I do.
Love is the bitterest taste
A sour tang that resides in my mouth
One day it may fade away,
But I keep drinking
This atrocious, vile drink.
I thirst for it, crave for another taste,
And yours is the sweetest
And it is the most poisonous.
"Until Death Do Us Part."
You would never leave me
Unless I lied and cheated.
Heaven forbid
You never thought I would leave you;
Never tell you those words.
Never forget how priceless your love is.
Heaven forbid
You knew from the very start
Leaving was the only option
And you would have to break my heart.