I wish

I wish
I wish my relationship wiht him was different
I wish it was better
I don't like to fight
It's not fun at all
I never see him
I feel like he's always mad at me
I just want my dad back
I wouldn't doubt it if he was cheating
My mom can't handle that right now
She has so much on her plate
She needs a break
She needs to let it all out
I'm afraid and frustrated
I hate doing this to her
I wouldn't but I have no choice I can't deal
I just can't deal with all this pain
What have I done to earn this?
Will I ever be normal again?
Will my smiles always be fake?
I wish I didn't have to deal with it all