Conflicting Emotions

I just wanted to be okay
I had to take things day by day
You are the one who walked away
Leaving me broken, when you didn’t stay
Trying to fix myself with out so much as a piece of tape

And now you come back into my life
When I am starting to get things right
You hand me some fucked up line
That everything was falling all apart
And you had to leave to get a fresh start

Now I sit here replaying your words
I know they’re lies, with a sugar coat
Yet I find myself going for the sugar rush
And all it took was just one touch
If you leave again, I know I’ll turn to my knife

So why do I find myself, not able to leave
Maybe its because I’m hooked on the thought
That the more time we are together, the less we will part
But, I suppose I’m just delusional, because you can’t be bought
And soon I’ll find my self crying on my knees

I’ll act as if nothings wrong, whenever you’re around
So that I can fall into my lie, where this is the past, and I haven’t cried
Yet once you leave, I’ll hate myself, and you, because then the power that kept me bound
Will disappear, and I’ll realize, that I did this to myself, by believing my lies
But I’ll blame you because you just had to come back, and flip my life upside down

This will continue, no matter what my brain says,
Because my heart knows, this is what I want
Looking for today, and not tomorrow
Being with you for all hours
Yet both heart and mind will take a toll

And this is the way the rest will be told
I know my heart will continue to fold
But that’s okay, because once you leave
It will be wrinkled, but that’s okay
You can crumple it again one day