Despising myself

I've given up on everything and everyone.
I don't see why I should try anymore.
I've let everyone down.
I just feel like staying in bed until I rot.
When I look in the mirror I don't see a beautiful girl.
Instead I see this pale, ugly monster.
Why did God make me like this??
All I want is to fit in.
Every one says it's the inner beauty inside of you.
I've lost self confidence over this past year.
None of it has been gained back.
All that goes through my mind is "Why can't I look like that''
I'm completely shut down.
Crying is all that I can do.
I just know I'll grow up old and alone.
My emotions and feelings don't matter to anyone but me.
So just don't try and help.
Because you're wasting your time.